Institutionalized

What’s the story with our non-profit neighbors?

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time you know my many tales of the school across the street.

But they’re not the only institution that calls our little patch of Woodlawn home.

The former Christ Apostolic Church was located across the street from our association until they moved into their new home in 2002.

The congregation is now called Metropolitan Apostolic Community Church.

Nonetheless the old building remains—frankly I’m not sure if it belongs to the church or if it’s somehow associated with Rev. Finney’s historic T.W.O. group.

And while it’s a beautiful old building, there has been a marked decline in the curb appeal since the congregation moved.

The words minimum upkeep spring to mind.

Christmas lights from several seasons ago are still in the trees, when a storm blew through here a couple of summers ago the branches and debris weren’t cleared until months later.

Mountains of trash overflowed out of the dumpster until recently.

While all of those things can drive your neighbors to distraction, in my estimation we had bigger fish to fry with impassible sidewalks and piles of garbage across the street.

One thing at a time, yo.

I figured as soon as Mt. Carmel was on track, I’d find out whom to drop a line to so the curb appeal quotient could ratchet up a few notches.

Unfortunately about a month ago that all changed.

I notice things in our little two-block stretch of paradise. Especially since I’m located on the third floor.

So it wasn’t too difficult too notice when every last available street parking space was taken up in the late afternoon on a Saturday night.

It also wasn’t too difficult to notice when about a dozen cars were parked in the vacant lot behind our home.

But it really wasn’t difficult to notice the excessive noise and bullshit taking place on our quiet street as afternoon stretched into evening and evening stretched into the next day.

While I took note of all of this, it was my neighbor Caustic who actually got the 411 on the situation.

Not only did she get the 411 but also dialed 911.

Squad cars and paddy wagon arrived not long thereafter.

It seems that the space is now being rented out for events. Which on it’s face is great, but if you don’t have a special use permit for the space that’s not so good.

Furthermore, if the people you’re renting the space to are either knuckleheads or disrespectful of our neighborhood---that’s a problem.

There are so many “what if’s.”

What if a promoted event exceeds capacity?

What if an emergency happens inside of the building? Do people know how to safely exit?

Those are just the first two questions in the front of my mind. Of course just by asking those questions others such as private security, rental guidelines and community standards pop into my head.

It appears that, at least on the surface, that the rental guidelines may need some tightening.

Now I loves me a good party. Hell I’ve been known to throw a few.

But I maybe have three or four a year---that was before I got laid off ---I always notified my downstairs neighbor in enough time so if they didn’t want 40-50 people walking over their heads they could make other plans.

Plus if you’re a guest in my house, you know you better act like you got some sense or a beat down will be coming your way.

I have to take too much shit outside of my home to put up with any foolishness inside my walls.

From what’s been seen so far, we’re not optimistic about the quality of events that may be held in the future.

So as a service to the decision maker(s) who green light the event rentals, you may want to use the few examples below as a guide:

Drop it like it’s hot rump shaker contest---No.

Eastern Star Five Point Tea---Yes.

Traveling male strip troupe featuring “Chocolate Thunder”---No.

State convention of the Missionary Society---Yes.

Any event that’s promoted with the phase, “Dress code strictly enforced, no hats or gym shoes.”---No
Community Meetings---Yes

With all of the foolishness that’s been going on lately, who wants to rattle the Tiger’s cage?

Let’s keep the warm weather months as drama free as possible.

Oasis

Apparently someone has heard our cries in the food desert.

Woodlawn is getting it’s very own Farmer’s Market starting Saturday, May 17th at Experimental Station home of Blackstone Bicycle Works.

So I’ll be able to walk to purchase reasonably priced fresh produce AND shop for a reasonably price eco friendly, weight controlling form of transportation.

Note the emphasis on walk, reasonably priced and fresh.

AND they’ll take the LINK Card. Not that I have one or anything. Apparently I made too much money when I was on unemployment.

It’s too good to be true.

But Woodlawn isn’t by itself----Bronzeville and Englewood are getting their own farmer’s markets as well.

Because we’re on the south side it wouldn’t surprise me if the markets were sponsored by McDonalds.

I predict that many poorly stocked, high priced corner grocery stores and mini marts will be feeling the pain of reduced business.

I’m very interested in seeing the selection of produce we get in the ‘hood. Since I’m a big fan of the market at Federal Plaza I have a pretty good idea what’s what.

I am beyond thrilled with this---see how the squeaky wheel gets the grease when enough people question the status quo.

South Side stand up.

Draining

Yes, I’ve been missing lately. Please excuse my absense.

After all, waitressing and working seemingly every part time job possible can take a toll on a sister. It took about three weeks for my feet and back to stop outright throbbing.

Methinks that I can now run a marathon in heels.

Just because I’m working day and night to make ends meet doesn’t mean that I don’t have stories to tell.

The latest involves why you should always make sure that you have a legitimate developer who has obtained all of his or her legitimate licenses regarding your building.

Note I said legitimate licenses.

Carlton Knight obtained “licenses” but they were to replace walls and to erect a fence. Trust me, I have copies of the permit applications.

You want to make sure that little things like the plumbing and roof have been covered as well.

But I digress.

After many years of having their low-end laminate kitchen cabinets, my next door neighbors decided to upgrade and get new cabinets.

They shopped, saved their money, made their purchases and set an installation date.

The appointed time came and the workers started to rip out their old cabinets.

But a small wrinkled developed.

The “T” drain that funnels water from the kitchen of both of our units was damaged when the base cabinets were being moved.

As I’m sure you know, most bathrooms and kitchens in a development are placed in generally the same place so the water and drainage lines can be in the same location.

You see my friends, when our developer “rehabbed” our units he merely made cosmetic changes.

If you’ve been a long time reader of this blog you’ve read the stories.

But this time the “T” drain in the kitchen of my neighbor’s unit was being held together by insulation foam resting on the base kitchen cabinet.

Did I mention that the “T” drain was completely rusted ?

Now I’m not a Rhodes Scholar, but I’m confident that if the plumbing was updated when all of us first bought into this development over six years ago it wouldn’t of rusted.

Hell, can you even put metal pipes in buildings anymore?

Ironically, when my neighbor directly below me rehabbed her kitchen, she didn’t have any problems. And might I add her new kitchen is the shit.

Hotness personified.

Nonetheless because the drain runs between both of our units, I couldn’t wash the dishes or run the dish washer.

Like I need an excuse to not do housework.

Unfortunately my neighbors had to pay over $700 to get the “T” drain fixed. If they didn’t any kitchen water both units would of run would of gone directly into the walls.

And we all know that water is a home owner’s worst enemy.

The moral of this story is that when you’re looking for a condo and you get that funny little feeling about the things you can see, be very concerned about the things you can’t.

Just When I Thought I'd Seen It All

Help Me Jesus.

Just when I thought my developer was---oh how shall I put it?----horrible; along comes this joker to win the sleazy developer of the year award.

My heart goes out to this person’s business partners, employees and most of all anyone who put down escrow money on a new unit.

As if times aren’t difficult enough for folks without this shit happening.

Speechless

I’m a dumb ass.

At least that’s what the University of Chicago’s HR automated program says.

When I went to register for the University’s internal temporary admin program, I was told that I didn’t meet the basic qualifications.

Oh. My. God.

Per the University’s HR website, basically qualified is defined as possessing the knowledge, skills, education and experience listed at required on the job posting.

This is the job posting:

High school diploma or GED required; Bachelor's degree preferred; advanced degree preferred; previous secretarial experience required; ability to effectively communicate verbally and in writing required; meticulous attention to detail required; ability to multi-task required; ability to work with confidential information discreetly required; ability to work calmly and quickly in a fast paced environment required; ability to work under pressure with frequent interruptions required; experience with Word and Excel required; experience with Access and PowerPoint preferred.

Now I wonder what about my application said “loser.”

I graduated high school---college even.

I’m not quite sure if a blog qualifies as being to effectively communicate but people seem to be able to understand what I write. I also happen to also speak the “King’s English.”

Attention to detail? Multi-task? Discretion? The ability to work calmly and quickly in a fast paced environment? Work under pressure with frequent interruptions?

Not only does that define my entire adult working life but did I mention I’m witnessing in Hyde Park? Hell, if keeping a tables of diverse ages, races, socio-economic classes happy doesn’t provide a good example of those requirements, I don’t know what does.

Note: Waitressing is not as easy as it looks.

Experience with MS Word and Excel----check and check.

The only thing that I can think of that may have dinged me is previous secretarial experience required.

While I’ve been an admin before it isn’t on my resume as it was in the early ‘90’s.

I think I’m going to pay a personal visit to the HR next week. Perhaps if they get a look at me I’ll be deemed worthy.

Plus I gotta know what disqualified me via the automated program.

Kindly excuse me. I have to open the restaurant for the lunch rush in a few hours.

That is if I can get my limited abilities in check so I can schlep to work without getting lost.

Unbelievable.

Makin' It Rain

I realized that it’s been awhile since I’ve reported on the antics of my favorite developer, Carlton Knight.

Last September, I wrote a post about a building that’s being converted by Mr. Knight needed major corrective work, despite the fact it was currently on the market.

According to DCAP an application was submitted to replace an existing porch.

I think any rational person can agree that it was a step in the right direction.

But that little voice inside my head told me there had to be more to this story. So I took a little trip down the Clerk of the Circuit Court’s office to dig up any possible paperwork.

Let me tell you folks, that was the best $1.75 I ever spent on a bus ride. The court papers did not disappoint.

So I don’t bore you I’ll cite a few samplings from the 27 page filing:


“Defendants Carlton Knight and the 1512-1514 E. Marquette LLC (‘The LLC’) are the developers of the subject property.”

“Beginning on or about January 2006, Defendants Carlton Knight and 1512-1514 E. Marquette converted the 6 unit apartment building that is the subject property to condominiums. That conversion required extensive renovations.”

“Defendants Carlton Knight, the Trust, and the LLC financed the renovations with a construction loan valued at $1,202,000, which included approximately $600,000 for the acquisition of the property.”

“Defendant Carlton Knight applied for several permits for the property. Defendant Carlton Knight failed to secure a certificate of occupancy for the property.”


The best part comes in the following eight counts the city alleges against Mr. Knight:

1. Failure to obtain a Certificate of Occupancy.
2. 56 separate building code violations.
3. Fines aren’t enough motivation to correct these issues, the city wants to building put into a receivership.
4. Making false statements of material fact.
5. Failure to obtain a general contractor’s license.
6. Failure to obtain a residential real estate developer’s license.
7. Failure to obtain a business license as a general contractor.
8. Failure to obtain a business license as a residential real estate developer.

My particular favorite is in count 4 (false statements of material fact) the city alleges:

“On August 18th, 2006, Carlton Knight applied for a permit for work being done on the subject property with the Department of Construction and Permits.”

“The application stated that the project was valued at under $10,000. The true value of the project was over $400,000.”

“Carlton Knight failed to disclose the true costs of work undertaken to rehabilitate the property when he falsified the amount of the rehabilitation project, and as a result violated 1-21-010 (2006).”

“Carlton Knight has violated and continues to violate section 1-21-010 of the general provisions of the municipal code by his continued failure to disclose the true costs of the work undertaken as required by DCAP and his knowingly falsifying his original application for a permit.”

I know each and every one of your are shocked by all of these allegations.

And just so you don’t die of curiosity, a few of the 56 separate building code violations range from the condition of the back porch, to inadequate lighting at an exterior entrance to the basement.

I cant imagine why the city would have a problem with various electrical code issues and failure to arrange mechanical ventilation or warm air heating system final inspection when the work was completed---do you?

I have to give the Department of Buildings and the Coporation Counsel mad props as they just seemed to finally inspect and document everything I’ve been writing about for the past two and a half years.

Only time will tell if the repairs are made or if Mr. Knight squeaks through another loophole.

Methinks the city just “made it rain” all over shady bootleg developers.

'Bout time.

Know Your Role

A few weeks ago, I went to the Understanding Your Role in Gentrification forum held at the University of Chicago during “Displacement Week.”

Naturally I was curious about one’s role in gentrification since it’s a much discussed and vilified topic these days. Since I’m a condo owner and by definition a gentrifier in Woodlawn, I had to stick my head in and see what all of this was about.

Perhaps I was slightly disappointed because of the un-preparedness of the panel.

Perhaps I was slightly disappointed because of the sparse turnout.

But one thing struck me as the discussion progressed, I’d bet you a million dollars that you’d never see a group of educated successful Black people beat themselves up over gentrifying a neighborhood.

Some say gentrifying, I say improving.

The panel was in the process of developing a brochure about responsible gentrifying. There seemed to be a lot of hand wringing by some people about gentrification in general.

People in attendance and the panel realized that good intentions and your personal budget often collide. As a result of finances and due to some people’s personal living preferences they have to (or choose to) live in “emerging neighborhoods.”

That’s a nice way of saying minority neighborhoods

I think it’s awfully conscious of the people at the forum to be concerned about being responsible gentrifies.

But as far as I’m concerned, it’s called being a good neighbor.

And as we all know, you can’t teach consideration, manners or good taste.

Well maybe you can try.

What I think the young people in that room may not have considered that change is a constant in Chicago neighborhoods.

Humbolt Park wasn’t always Hispanic. Woodlawn wasn’t always Black. Some parts of Old Town and River North used to be the “red light district.”

Obviously block busting, redlining, overt racism and down right ignorance played a huge role in the changing of the guard in the residential areas.

As those of us in the Chicagoland area know, it’s not the neighborhood but who lives in it that drives how it’s perceived and the services it receives.

Hey that rhymed.

In a sort of neighborhood circle of life, older neglected neighborhoods are bound to be rediscovered by those seeking beautiful, architecturally interesting buildings.

Not to mention accessibility to public transportation and green spaces.

Older neighborhoods in the city are experiencing a renaissance. Naturally, gentrication will follow.

And while many opinions will continued to be expressed about the re-emergence of urban neighborhoods, a few things continue to ring true.

People who want affordable accessible homes aren’t the problem. They shouldn’t be treated as such.

If you don’t want the flavor of your neighborhood to change, purchase it. Short of eminent domain or a federal injunction, not much can be done to take it away from you.

It never hurts to have a little diversity in your ’hood. While I don’t think the Germans are on there way back to Humbolt Park, it wouldn’t hurt to have a tauqeria next door to a beer hall.

And to my fellow forum attendees that happen to be white a small aside:

You don’t need a manual on how to be a good neighbor. In fact, I think it’s somewhat ridiculous to feel guilty or apologize for simply being who you are.

With racial divisions being very much in the news these days, it’s great to see dialogues getting started.

But unnecessary contrition isn’t needed.

Unless there’s 40 acres and a mule involved, I think your potential new neighborhoods will survive your arrival.

An Aside

I knew it I had to go out and get a job---any job---when I couldn’t qualify for CEDA utility assistance.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the program---and frankly I wasn’t until recently----CEDA administers the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program. The program pays a month’s worth of utility bills for individuals.

The trick is to qualify for the program.

One of my former co-workers told me about CEDC in a recent conversation. She applied and they paid her utility bills so she thought I should give it a shot.

The big difference in our lives is that she has a child and that I don’t.

You would think that this wouldn’t make a difference but according to “the guidelines” because I have no children my unemployment means that I make way too much money.

Yes, you read that correctly.

My unemployment---which has since ended by the way----that piddly $654 bi-weekly check meant that I made too much money.

Are you fucking kidding me?

A single person who makes a touch over $13,500 can’t qualify for almost any type of assistance.

That’s when I felt like a Detroit auto worker from the 80’s.

The funny thing is that for those of us who lived through that time, mistakenly thought that if we kept out of trouble and worked hard we wouldn’t be caught in a changing economy.

We weren’t like our some of our parents and grandparents, we went to college. We learned how to play the game.

Apparently that wasn’t (and isn’t) the case.

So to quote the film---Hi ho, Hi ho, it’s off to work I go.

Poof! I’m a server.

Talk about reinventing yourself.

Since I’ve started training and actually picking up shifts as a server (waitress) I wanted to take a few moments to let you all in on a few secrets:

Those Hyde Parkers/U of C people aren’t so bad after all. In fact, quite a few have helped a sister stack her paper.

If you come in with a group, run me ragged and then insist on splitting the check 15 different ways I won’t like you. And yes, I expect an additional tip on top of the 18% gratuity that’s added onto the check for large groups. Motherfuckers.

I so love the people who serve me at my regular watering holes. I always prided myself on being a good patron but now I truly understand their pain.

Speaking of pain, my feet feel like they don’t belong to me.

You have no idea how extremely tired I am. But I will build a bridge and get over myself.

Things will get better I’ll revisit this and write about my serving life in a few weeks. While I rarely wrote about my past employers, it might be a little different with this one.

But as you can assume, slinging drinks and food on the south side is a blog within itself. There are so many stories just begging to be told.

I’m just not sure if I’m the one to tell them at this point.

I won’t tell you where I work but if you find me and ask me if I’m the Woodlawn Wonder, I won’t lie to you.

Naturally, you’ll leave a big fat tip, right?

Speaking of people who have a story to tell and live on the south side, let me reintroduce you to the lovely Erin of Puffthechuff.wordpress.com.

She and a group of my west Woodlawn dwelling neighbors met out for drinks a few months ago and while we haven’t seen each other since, we continue to cyber stalk each other.

Her blog is quite funny and the tale of how she met her husband (Portly Jew indeed) is a modern Chicago love story.

BTW, she wants a baby and just turned 26. These are just a few facinating things you'll find out about Erin via her blog.

26? Isn't she still a damn baby herself?

She's a ballsy, stand up broad and despite the fact I barely know her I like the cut of her gib.

Sit down and stay awhile at her blog. I’m sure she’d like to see you.

Just don’t continuously ask to borrow things.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to bed to catch up on my sleep.

Over---For Now

Mt. Carmel finally picked up the trash on the north parkway yesterday.

It's amazing how good the 'hood can look when the sidewalks aren't awash in Remy bottles.

I've been so busy with the new waitressing gig that I've barely had time to notice. Let me tell you slinging drinks and grub isn't as easy as you would think.

Luckily for me, I was reminded about the trash everytime I left to go to work.

So the north parkway is clean---for now.

I wonder if Mt. Carmel (and their landscape service) will step up and clean without prompting or will this be a continuing point of contention.

Trying To Do Right

I regularly check the stats for I Hate My Developer.

While I wrote a post some time ago about Mike Holmes, I continue to get traffic to the blog based on a Mike Holmes search string. You’d be surprised at how many people search to see if Mike Holmes is married.

He is a tasty piece. Trust me, I get the interest

Roughly two weeks ago I was checking the stats for the blog when I ran across the following search string in the visitor activity log:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=i hate my school i want every kid there dead

It stopped me cold.

My mind went in a million different places. What should I do? Should I notify the authorities? Am I paranoid?

With all the school shootings at both Northern Illinois and Virginia Tech, I think the red flag goes up when anyone starts shooting off their mouth about----well----shooting.

I wrestled with what to do for two days. If I can prevent someone else from mourning for their child, I'm all in.

In the end, I didn’t want to have any deaths on my conscious. I decided to notify the school district of the city and state where the query originated.

You guys aren’t completely anonymous when you come in to check out my little blog.

This is what I sent:

Good Morning,

In light of the recent campus shootings at Northern Illinois University, I thought it might be wise to make you aware of a recent hit I saw in the visitor activity log of my blog. Frankly I was a little disturbed when I saw the search string. While wrestling if I should or should not send this e-mail, I reasoned that it's better to be over cautious than ignore a possible sign.

The following entry was received on 2/25:
VISITOR ANALYSIS
Referring Link http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=i hate my school i want every kid there dead
Host Name
IP Address xxx.xx.xxx.xx
Country United States
Region New York
City xxxxxx
ISP xxxxx
Returning Visits 0
Visit Length 0 seconds
VISITOR SYSTEM SPECS
Browser MSIE 7.0
Operating System Windows XP
Resolution 1024x768
Javascript Enabled

Navigation Path
Date Time WebPage
25th February 2008 14:25:26 www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=i hate my school i want every kid there dead
www.ihatemydeveloper.blogspot.com/

I'm not sure if the sender is even a school aged child or if they even attend a public school in your school district. My intent is not to cause unnecessary worry but if the IP address can be traced, hopefully the author of this string, if a student, can receive the help that he or she may need.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Regards,

The Woodlawn Wonder


Ooooh Whee…

Did I anticipate them shutting down the entire school system of this little hamlet in New York state? Did they do it? You bet your ass they did.

Not only did two Chicago Police show up on my doorstep to ask me a few questions but I received e-mails from the hamlet’s police AND the New York State police.

I just wanted to make sure that a disaster was averted. I didn’t mean to rattle everyone’s cage.

Moreover, if a young person could get the help that they needed all’s the better.

Shit, if I shot everyone in junior high and high school that was mean to me I’d be under the jail.

Hell for that matter, if I went off the deep end every time drama popped off during the last two years I’d be sitting on death row.

Blogging, gardening and normal coping mechanisms help me relieve stress.

Unfortunately some people in our society think that the business end of gun will put an end to all of their problems. When in fact, it simply creates so many others.

Luckily, the young person was located and explained that the search string was a result of a very bad day at school. The officer who explained the situation stated that the young person gets bullied and isn’t very social.

It should also serve as a warning to those who bully. One day an ill placed gesture or deed may result in someone being very upset with you.

And when I say very upset, I mean get a gun upset.

Not only are manners a good thing to practice but one day they very well may save your life.

Thank God the young person is getting the help they need.

And I can sleep at night.

Inspiration

It’s official, the mighty have fallen.

How did I come to this conclusion?

As I was sitting in the Bennigans on Michigan Avenue drinking a green Miller Lite, eating one of the worst hamburgers I’ve ever have (that beef tasted like shit), listening to “What Time Is It?” from the High School Musical 2 soundtrack; I wondered how I was going to make ends meet on a possible $13.00 an hour admin temp job.

I know, cue the violins.

For those of you who don’t know me, I rarely if ever go to chain restaurants, I only drink bad beer at sporting events and my taste for beef has definitely been through an upgrade.

Do not get me started this High School Musical foolishness.

While I know in the scheme of things this isn’t on the scale of calling in the United Nations but I was having one of those days.

Earlier I had gone and registered with a admin temp agency.

My rationale is that the waitressing job wouldn’t provide enough income to keep the household bills paid so I had to have another stream of income.

It’s a touch demoralizing being told you’re not worth $14.00 an hour because your MS Word test scores aren’t up to par.

But at least I can take comfort that my filing and basic office skills scores tested off the charts.

As of yesterday it became obvious that there wouldn’t be many more eyebrow waxes, manicures and pedicures.

Hell, it’s bad enough you can zest citrus fruit with my heels----must I look like Ernest Borgnine about the brows?

Jesus take the wheel.

So it is with a sense of irony that I was in my usual swanky watering hole a few weeks ago when I saw this mouth watering man sitting in the seat I like to sit in at the far end of the bar.

Honestly, he was something to see.

Many people who go to this place are somewhat full of themselves.

Present company excluded, of course.

Captain of the universe types who command all that they see and make a lot of money doing so.

They all just don’t happen to be eye candy.

But this guy was not only handsome but seemed down to earth and had very good posture.

That’s when I took a closer look.

He was well dressed but didn’t have on an expensive suit. He was at a bar but was drinking orange juice. And he had an earpiece coming out of his ear.

Holy shit, he’s someone’s bodyguard.

I scanned the room and noticed other clean cut looking, ramrod straight looking types at the entrance and in another corner.

I had been to that bar and the adjoining hotel multiple times when dignitaries, athletes and movie stars alike wandered those halls and I’ve never seen that type of security.

Who the hell needs that type of protection?

Another scan of the room answered my question.

I already liked Oprah but I really must commend her for her excellent choice in security eye candy.

I know this unemployment foolishness won’t last but it’s odd where you take your inspiration.

Mine is to one day to be able to afford good looking men to protect me.

I’m Down With HPP

That’s Hyde Park Produce.

With six months of unemployment and semi-exhausted financial resources I have to be a tad creative with critical necessities.

Read: Food

With the Co-op closing and Peapod becoming un-affordable, I turned to the semi-new kid on the block, HPP.

HPP just moved to a new space in Kimbark Plaza on 53rd Street. I had gone in previously with friends and was duly impressed.

But be being impressed doesn’t keep money in the bank account.

So when I rolled up to them on Monday, I made sure I brought along my Peapod list and kept the receipt for a fair price comparison.

Behold the tale of the tape:

Peapod

8 oz. Package of Mushrooms $1.99
5 oz. Organic Salad Greens $3.49
5 oz. Organic Spinach $3.99*
1 Green Pepper $ .99
1 Yellow Pepper $2.49
1 Red Pepper $1.99
1 Bunch of Broccoli $1.99
4 Bananas $1.16
1 Bunch of Cauliflower $2.49
20 Head of Garlic $8.00
16 oz. Package of Strawberries $4.99


HPP
8 oz. Package of Mushrooms $1.49
5 oz. Organic Salad Greens $2.99
5 oz. Organic Spinach $2.99
1 Green Pepper $ .33
1 Yellow Pepper $ .69
1 Red Pepper $1.25
1 Bunch of Broccoli $1.10
4 Bananas $ .69
1 Bunch of Cauliflower $1.78
20 Head of Garlic $3.29
16 oz. Package of Strawberries $2.99


Totals Peapod: $33.57
HPP: $19.59

Difference: $13.98

Note: The price for the Peapod spinach is for a 6 oz package and the HPP package was 5 oz. But what’s an ounce between friends?

Obviously this is the subtotal without the ridiculous Cook County Sales tax. Naturally it won’t seem ridiculous if Mr. Stroger has his way and we’re due for another hefty tax hike---again.

Oh I’m sorry, was that out loud?

And yes, I like garlic. It keeps a sister healthy.

Savings and affordable fresh produce? Sign me up for the Christian jubilee.

Woodlawn’s A Poppin’

Despite the snow outside, things are heating up in Woodlawn.

The city is seeking a developer for the vacant lot on the southwest corner of 63rd and Blackstone.

Rumor has it that since the property abuts Mt. Carmel High School they’ve been trying to purchase it for years. The Alderman at the time (Arenda Troutman) put the kibosh on the whole gig. Apparently that parcel was to slated for housing, not an extension of the Mt. Carmel real estate empire.

Well now it appears that the city is moving forward on developing the land.

This ought to be interesting. I’ll keep an eye on this and keep you kids in the mix.

And speaking of development…

Some lovely foundations “are creating a multimillion-dollar fund to protect South and West Side neighborhoods from being overlooked or overwhelmed in the city's pursuit of an Olympic Game.”

I don’t even know what that means.

According to the Chicago Tribune article, “They may be used to canvass residents and fund research on jobs, business development and tourism opportunities. Later grants may support community planning, affordable housing, education and job training.”

Jobs? Business Opportunities? Shouldn’t the alderman already be searching for those opportunities?

As a matter of fact, don’t we also have groups and foundations that have already done community planning, affordable housing studies as well as job training?

Personally it sounds like the beginning of business as usual around these parts.

Grants will go to “community groups” who beat a big can but can’t take out the trash.

Money will be funneled, good intentions will be promised, studies will be “issued” and job training programs will be “funded.”

And a dime of money won’t reach the people that need it most.

Or I could be wrong.

But the last little Woodlawn caveat is the best.

Guess what kids, it’s Displacement Week at the University of Chicago.

As in Woody’s ass will be displaced from her home if she doesn’t get a job.

No seriously folks, the University is searching its soul concerning displacement and to created a dialogue “about the University’s responsibility to global and local communities.”

The minute I got this e-mail from a loyal reader I started to giggle.

You know I’m all over Understanding Your Role In Gentrification tonight at 8:00 PM. Hell, I might turn the Forum on the University of Chicago Hyde Park/Kenwood/Woodlawn into a friggin cocktail hour.

But don’t expect me to furnish all of the vodka, you boozers.

You’ll know it’s me by the peels of laughter in the back of the room.

This one ought to be interesting.

Murse

While on the bus today running errands, I noticed a young man with what appeared to be a natty looking bag.

Naturally I was confused.

When did the male urban hip-hop set start carrying murses?

Is this the latest thing? Is some rap star translating a “look” from the runway? Were Kayne and Diddy photographed with the latest carry all?

I had to know what this kid’s deal was.

Now I normally don’t have conversations with people I don’t know on the bus. To do so is to open up the door for crazy to walk right into your life.

But I had to know.

So I asked him if he had a carry all.

Unfortunately he stated that he was on his way to drop off what I thought was his murse. It turned out to be a soft sided train case that belonged to a lady friend.

Damn.

I was so looking forward to seeing saggy pants wearing, corn rowed young men roaming the south side with teacup dogs.

Pity Party

Smelly and unemployed is not a dream combination.

With my extended job hunt sucking the life both out of me and my bank account, a crisis in confidence was sure to happen.

Well it did.

And as I related in the last post, reality gave me a swift kick in the ass.

No matter how I felt about this little change of fortune or how bruised my professional ego may be, Mama has bills to pay and a fuzzy gray cat that needs to be fed.

Moreover, why am I gonna let a small thing like unemployment stand in the way of my milestone birthday celebration in August?

Plus I have yet to win the Chicago Tribune’s Glorious Gardens contest. Admittedly it would be a difficult to do so if I don’t have enough money to put a garden down this year.

The pity party is gonna have to wait for another day.

One day you’ll find yourself patronizing one of the many fine restaurants in the Hyde Park area and thinking to yourself, “That woman doesn’t fit the mold of a typical waitress and her ass is too big to be a co-ed’s. I wonder if that’s my favorite blogger The Woodlawn Wonder?”

That would be a yes.

I start training next week so I can sling food and libations. While I haven’t waitresses in quite some time, I think it will be a good departure from the corporate grind that I’d experienced for over ten years.

Plus I really need to get my ass off the couch and stop watching Lifetime.

Did I mention QVC has crept into the rotation?

I also wanted to really get my hustle on and substitute teach for Chicago Public Schools.

Despite the fact they have a desperate shortage of substitute teachers, applications are not being accepted from those of us who do not have an education degree.

Can you even fathom how asinine that policy sounds.

Risking life and limb as a substitute is a job so few people obviously want to do. Apparently in order to sit and take guff off of students, the powers that be at CPS feel that you need to have taken education courses to do so.

So as schools desperately scramble for a warm body and a heartbeat, I who is willing to risk daily peril cannot even offer my services because I choose to get an English Literature degree.

And no, I don’t want to teach. I spent a lifetime watch my mother doing it so speaking from the perspective as a teacher’s kid---I’ll take a pass.

But seeing that the schools have a need for subs and I have a need for cash and an overwhelming desire to keep the heat on, I thought it would be a perfect fit.

That would be a no.

its on to running pub grub and rum and cokes for the Hyde Park crowd.

Remember to tip your wait staff generously the next time you’re out enjoying a meal.

I don’t expect George Clooney to invite me to the villa on Lake Como for a few days to celebrate my birthday so it looks like if I’m going to have a fantastic milestone, I’m going to have to work like a mother.

Monstrosity

The proverbial straw fell about two weeks ago.

It broken the camel’s back concerning the futility of my ongoing employment search.

Like most people in the market today, I thought I’d have a job within a month or so. The reality of the my job search is no where close to my battered expectations.

The monster.com job fair was absolutely the worst. A complete waste of time for every person who schlepped to the Holiday Inn Merchandise Mart.

As if job hunting for nearly six months isn’t demoralizing enough, the hundreds if not thousands of other job seeks at the fair truly let me know how rough it is out there.

I’m not bullshitting. The line of job fair attendees wrapped around the entire floor of the hotel.

And that was within the first hour of the doors opening.

When I got to the end of the line, I should of known something was up as it moved fairly quickly. From the time I got to the end of this long line to the time I signed into the door it took about 35-40 minutes.

There had to be at least 600 people ahead of me in line.

That should have been my second clue. Then the Monster representative not having a location map of the employers should have been the dead give away as well.

The third clue should have been the size of the room.

Now if this had of been a legitimate job fair with a variety of potential employers, the space would have been much larger.

The room was the size of my dining room.

And while that’s huge for a dining room, it’s quite small for a job fair.

Once I got through the line, signed in (first name only please), dropped off a copy of my resume and entered the room I quickly assessed that this ridiculous waste of time.

Now I’m not slamming the employers that were there but let’s just say that the fair wasn’t exactly geared toward those of us who didn’t want to work for Crunch Fitness or be a salesperson on commission.

And by the way, with that little dustup in Middle East enlisting in the Army didn’t seem to be the right move either.

I threw on my suit and trotted out my Crest smile for this?

It broke me.

In the last few weeks the only reason I left my condo was to take out the trash with the stinky cat litter and to check the mail.

Being in my robe for a couple of days and watching QVC probably didn’t help matters either.

Since the middle of January, I’ve been fighting the urge to give up.

Getting up everyday, checking my e-mail account for Monster and Careerbuilder e-mails, networking my ass off, keeping up with my career counseling services and attending their various workshops kept me involved in my fate and more importantly it kept me busy.

Grasping at every lead, applying for every relevant job---keeping hope alive as Rev. Jackson would say.

It can be quite exhausting.

Wasting time at a half assed job fair with many other people just did me in.

I wanted to give up.

Luckily reality slapped me in the face. And by reality I mean keeping a roof over my head.

Legally Speaking

Boy oh boy do I get e-mails and comments.

While I read all of them, I rarely respond to individual requests or queries via the blog.

And by rarely I do really mean rarely.

But today is the day I diverge from standard operating procedure.

Why?

‘Cause if I get one more e-mail inquiring about reasonable and competent legal services, I’m gonna scream.

So kind readers, let me introduce you to John Elias, esq. lawyer extraordinaire.

John has represented me in two real estate transactions, is the lawyer for our condo association and is very experienced in the breath of condominium law in the state of Illinois.

And yes, he’s a personal friend.

Despite the fact I’ve know him for nearly ten years, I can honestly say this kid’s top drawer. Not only is he good but he also has a high work ethic.

Plus any lawyer who stayed with us during the foreclosures, liens and learning how to run our home as a business deserves a medal.

Child please.

So look to the left to find a link to his website.

If you tell him I referred you, your association will receive a free hour consultation.

Yes a free hour consultation----for your association, not you. So don’t go in there with a personal ax to grind. Remember, your unit is your home but the association is a business.

It wouldn’t hurt if you adhered to the following tips prior to making an appointment:

Make sure all of the members of your association board can be present

Have a copy of your declarations and bylaws at the meeting.

There is never a thing as too much paperwork. Executed contracts, turnover documentation and dates are extremely helpful.

If you feel this topic needs to be addressed, disclosure of your financial situation.

Prepare all of your questions and concerns prior to the meeting.

You’d be surprised at how quickly an hour can pass when you’re with a lawyer.

And no, I don’t know his hourly rate. He doesn’t ask me how much money I make (hint: That would be zero as I’m unemployed) and I don’t ask him how he runs his business.

I’m just saving you the trouble of asking.

But as with anything, please do your due diligence. Check (or ask) him about his education and credentials, how long he’s been practicing real estate law and any other thing that pops into your head.

Just because I’m giving him the thumbs up doesn’t mean you should follow me blindly.

‘Cause frankly speaking----isn’t that what got you all in your predicament in the first place?

Salting The Wounds

The school across the street finally shoveled the snow.

Granted it was a half assed only because they were practically forced effort but at least a majority of the snow was removed from the sidewalk.

Since I’m tired of begging the powers that be to meet their responsibilities, I simply started making my alderman aware of the issue.

Hey, I’ve tried to be nice.

All it gets me is trash strewn, weed choked hell hole.

So like my Mama said, “Time for talking is done.”

From what I understand the school across the street may have gotten a visit from the friendly local streets and san representative.

And while I’m not sure if there was a meeting, I can imagine if there was one it might have gone something like this:


Streets & Sans Rep: “Hi.”

School Across the Street: “Hi.”

Streets & San: “Apparently you’re not shoveling the snow on the south end of your property.”

School: “Yeah, so.”

Streets & San: “Well you might want to make an effort to shovel.”

School: “Why?”

Streets & San: “Besides that Woody screaming her head off, it is in violation of current ordinances.”

School: “Yeah we pretty much marginalize her and only respond to her bootleg concerns only when she calls. We figure we’ll wear her down. You do know that we don’t consider anything on the ‘other’ side of the fence our concern, right?”

Streets & San: “Well that very well may be, but it’s a new day in these parts. You have to keep up all of your property. Not just the parts your student, staff, visitor and fat cat alumni see.”

School: “So what if we don’t?”

Streets & San: “Let’s not get into a pissing match. I’m here as a friendly warning. You do know that I have the power to fine you, right?”

***Stone silence***

School: You know we pride ourselves in being a good neighbor.”

Streets & San: “Well then act like it---this is the only discussion we’ll be having on this subject. If there’s a next time, the fine notices will start showing up.


So after two weeks of having an impassible sidewalk, the school across the street finally shoveled sometime on Thursday morning.

Naturally since the shoveling was done with a minimum of effort, it didn’t go down to the sidewalk. This packed down the snow to create a even slicker walkway.

To keep to the theme of half assing their commitment to the ‘hood, the school didn’t even put any salt down to melt the snow left behind by the half assed shoveling job.

At least then the shitty shoveling job would of made sense.

See ‘cause then you would of thought, “Ok, they didn’t go down to the pavement but at least the salt will melt the rest of the snow.”

Apparently we’re not even worth salt.

Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.

Because this institution let free money from the South East Chicago Commission go unused; because this institution needs constant reminding of their parkway & sidewalk responsibilities and more importantly because of this institution’s lack of serious commitment to Woodlawn they finally need to be named.

Mt. Carmel High School doesn’t live up to their commitments.

Perhaps they have a soup kitchen in the neighborhood or help the seniors down the street. Maybe they help locals with free tax prep services.

I may be wrong, Mt. Carmel may be doing tons of service oriented projects around Woodlawn that I may not be aware of.

Hell, I don’t know everything, right?

But a lack of true community involvement plus spotty sidwalk & parkway maintenance equals a crappy neighbor.

So to commemorate this auspicious occasion, every time Mt. Carmel doesn’t shovel the snow, or pick up the trash or cut the grass the Mt. Carmel Watch-o-Meter will go up somewhere on the blog.

That is if I can figure out how to tweak my template.

If their track record is any indication, I suspect the Watch -o-Meter will be going up very soon.

Neighborhood Watch

Sweet, sweet karma is starting to do the come up.

The rumor mill seems to think that Carlton Knight’s latest project at 32nd and Rhodes won’t legally start beginning construction anytime soon.

While he has all of his permits covered, he hasn’t broken ground.

The city has found out that he plans on commercially developing the property---ie: a for profit sale---if any construction activity commences, a cease and desist order will be slapped on the project.

As you should know by now, the city has a set of processes in place to monitor developers. The glaring loophole is that the city can’t possibly know if the developer is developing a commercial project unless he or she self identifies.

Or if eagle-eyed neighbors call the city.

Apparently they have kept the city abreast of any new developments.

At least that’s what I hear.

Good bless ‘em.

I can only assume that if Mr. Knight wanted to salvage the project, he’ll simply comply with the developer statutes laid down by the city.

Apply for a business license and fill out the paperwork for the developer registry---how hard is that?

Then of course he may have already done so.

Perhaps, he’s steeped in the middle of the process right now---who knows?

But I’ll tell you this, if anyone so much as takes a toy pail and shovel and moves a spoonful of earth, the shit is hitting the fan.

Big ups to the neighbors for watching over their ‘hood.

Getting It Right

Since the new school year started last August and I've been unemployed, I've had the unique opportunity to pay even closer attention to my neighborhood.

But you eagle eyed readers already knew that.

One thing I noticed is that there were no disaffected, baggy pants wearing youths wandering the neighborhood looking for a place to fire up their shitty domestically grown pot.

Curious, no?

I come to find out that Hyde Park Career Academy has a new ass kicking principal who shut down the open lunches that allowed the disaffected youths to freely roam.

And no, not all of the Hyde Park students are monumental pains in the ass.

As usual it's the small percentage of dumb asses that ruin it for everybody.

Plus the super swanky new McDonald's has banned students during school hours.

Nonetheless, I must give a resounding well done to Hyde Park's new principal and the Chicago Police Department. The officers and police cars that line Stony Island after school cut down on the usual foolishness from ocurring.

And because the usual foolishness has lessened, my quality of life has shot up.

Granted I don't have any income coming in but at least I don't have to deal with disrepectful brats.

Now if the new principal could find a way to address the student's behavior on the bus, he might be able to bring peace to the Middle East.

Good luck kind sir, you'll need it.

Slow Burn

I so appreciate needing a dog team to navigate my neighborhood.

Why?

Because the owners of the many rental properties and vacant lots around these parts don’t believe in clearing snow from the sidewalks.

So I and the other pedestrians tend to walk in the street as most of the sidewalks are virtually impassable.

Can I tell you how fun it is to walk down Stony Island with cars whizzing past you wondering which one of them will hit a patch of ice and skid into you?

Especially a few days ago when their was so much fog, the ’hood looked like the movie set for Wurthering Heights.

Unfortunately, established businesses and institutions aren’t doing a bang up job either.

The gas station around the corner seems to think that they only need to plow out their parking lot and the sidewalk is the city’s responsibility.

Of course the school across the street is continuing to be a “good neighbor” by not shoveling an inch of snow on the sidewalk from Dorchester to Stony Island.

Not one flipping inch.

And that was the snowfall from last week.

God they’re so full of shit.

With today’s anticipated snowfall, we might not be able to use that side of the street until baseball season .

Methinks I need to jot off an e-mail to the alderman.

Perky

A solution for our cash woes has been found.

By now, you sharp cookies have noticed the CondoPerks logo on the left sidebar.

It’s not there by accident.

Not only am I a huge fan but I think so highly of the program that I want everyone to know about it as well.

CondoPerks allows condominium associations to earn money the easy way----by online shopping.

You go to the website, choose the building of your choice (cough**The Blackstone Condo Assoc.**cough) and start online shopping.

You can surf via the category bar on the left or you can scroll through all of the participating stores in the drop down above the category bar.

Can you believe that our condo association can make money every time I Peapod myself?

I know, it sounds dirty.

The founder of the service Blagica Stefanovski has found a practical, yet painless way for associations to supplement and potentially increase their reserves while complementing their existing fiscal measures.

In short, it’s brilliance.

So if your association could use a few more buck in the till, click on the link to the left and get the ball rolling.

At this point new building registration is free but that could change at any time.

But I have a better way for those of you who rent or own your own home to help out.

When you do your online shopping, help a sister and her hard working neighbors out----go to the CondoPerks website, find The Blackstone Condo Assoc. and shop with a purpose.

As previously mentioned., we have a potentially expensive capital project coming up later this year. We don’t wanna get caught with our financial pants down.

Frankly the thought of having to levy another special assessment makes my unemployed stomach lurch.

Now you don’t have to do it, but it’d be nice.

And there are 180 retailers of all stripes that I know you all use anyway.

Plus I’m not out on the street shaking the proverbial cup full of change in your face. I’m just gently doing it online.

It’s less noisy and I don’t have to give you the puppy dog eyes.

Whatever you want to do---Online shop with the Blackstone in mind, sign your building up or just cruise through to see what all the hubbub is about, all are welcome.

For all of you that needed a new excuse to cyber shop---here it is.

Randoms

If Senator Obama needs to further distance himself from Tony Rezko by giving away more money, I’m all in.

An unemployed sister could use a couple of bucks as my funds are about down to zero.

It’s expensive keeping up the house AND drying cleaning bills for interview suits.

I’ll make it for February but March is gonna be interesting.

I might get a temporary reprieve if I get a huge tax refund. It might be nice if my former employer would get off their ass and send my W-2 & 1099.



When I went to the opera on Monday I was yelled at by P.E.T.A. protesters.

I know---you’re thinking opera & fur can’t necessarily equal bleak poverty.

But let me explain, prior to my layoff I split a partial subscription with my “opera buddy.”

The resale market for opera tickets is slight but not non-existent. But if Monday night was any indication, the fierce haggling at prices way below face value was not a good sign.

I’d rather donate the tickets back and take the tax write off.

Either way I really don’t get the money that I need.

Anyway…

I was running late and dashing across the intersection of Madison & Wacker in my mother’s vintage mink collared wool coat.

It’s an absolutely stunning piece that makes me look a little smaller than Brian Urlacher.

But when the winter wind is howling in Chicago and your taking the CTA , looks go out the window.

I rounded the corner smack dab into a bunch of shabby, malnourished looking children giving me the stares of death.

When I realized they were from P.E.T.A. I started to giggle.

What are the odds of someone who’s been unemployed for five months and who’s 26 weeks of unemployment is dwindling running into P.E.T.A. protesters looking like the poster child for the idle rich?

Take the wheel Jesus.



Where dose the trash that continues to assemble against our gates come from anyway?

God I’ve picked up so much trash these past five months perhaps that should be my new occupation.

We don’t have any open trash cans anywhere near.

People can’t litter that much, can they?

Yesterday’s heat wave melted the snow and revealed so much soggy crap on the ground that all I could do is stand there and marvel.

I suppose that when the snow melts again I’ll go out and pick up the sodden crap so our little piece of paradise doesn’t look like our neighbor’s property.



Believe it or not I happen to get a few e-mails here and there from the occasional condo owning newbie with questions about their developer or neighbors.

As usual I give them the benefit of my knowledge.

But I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that a few things ring true:

1. You’re developer should have been paying monthly assessments for all unsold units from the date of the sale of the first unit. At the turnover, you should be having a war chest of cash waiting for you.

2. No matter how bootleg your developer may be, you can’t stop paying assessments because you’re upset with him or her. Trust me, in the end you’ll only be hurting yourselves. ’Cause if you don’t pay your assessments, you won’t be able to pay your association’s utility bills.

No one likes the water being turned off in the middle of their shower.

3. Get a friggin lawyer----right now. The money you spend now, will save you so much later.

4. It’s a business people. Like any other business if you don’t put some effort into it, it will fail. Your neighbors are your allies. If you don’t swim together, you’ll sink together.

I think this little article from today’s Chicago Tribune underscores that point.

This quote is particularly telling:

“Larry Hopkins was first to move onto the street, and first to see his monthly payment jump. When he learned his tax bill was the reason, Hopkins asked for more hours at his job as a school safety officer and cut spending.

But the taxes tacked hundreds of dollars on his monthly payment. His 2006 tax bill came to $5,001 for a $125,000 house, records show.

Hopkins said he made calls to local officials, his lender and Cook County offices but got the runaround. He went to his neighbors. "No one would get involved," he said. "They were afraid to speak up and didn't understand my problem because their bills weren't high. They didn't know the same thing was about to happen to them."

The people may have been in a subdivision instead of a condo building, but the basic premise still holds true.



My latest guilty pleasure is the fabulous Jen Lancaster.

Ms. Lancaster is the author of “Bitter Is The New Black” & my personal favorite “Bright Lights, Big Ass.”

I’ve started Bright Lights and was hysterically laughing within the first few pages.

I haven’t initially laughed that hard since I read Tucker Max’s blog.

When I first started reading him I couldn’t stop. He may be a complete misogynist but at least he’s a great writer.

You can’t deny talent.

You can’t deny talent in Ms. Lancaster’s case either.

She may be an unrepentant Fox News Network, Sean Hannity loving Republican but someone has to be, right?

Her book is so funny none of that seems to matter.

Besides don’t we all need a little diversity in our lives, no?

Brickbats

Like the swallows coming back to Capistrano, our association has yet another capital project to tackle.

Some might say that our latest undertaking is a result of the high quality conversion the building went through in 2000-2001.

Others might say that because of the building’s age (100 + years) that this may be a part of regular maintenance.

At this point, only the professional opinion of our vendor(s) will decide which of the two theories is correct.

In the meantime we have to figure out how to finance the tuck pointing of our façade and the possible rebuilding of our front porches.

Jesus take the wheel.

While we’re almost done paying off the back porches, we have to turn our efforts to the next project.

After all we don’t want anymore bricks falling off of our building.

At our first 2008 association meeting, the subject was broached and based on preliminary estimates we can afford to get one side of our façade tuck pointed without raising assessments.

That’s preliminary good news.

I’m worried about if the estimate was wrong or costs spiral out of control. Then what are we going to do?

We’ve worked hard to get our shit together.

Between the self management, self lawn care and careful attention to the bottom line, we’ve made the magic happen.

Naturally we had to crack the whip about the lifeblood of any association---assessments.

Now we’ve got to worry about how to pay for possible latent defects as a result of our developer.

But as I said, only the vendors will be able to pinpoint the true cause of the façade issue.

Don’t think I won’t give you the 411 when the information is available.

I can only assume that I’ll be dreaming of masonry for the remainder of 2008.

Is The Grass Greener?

Once they put the new sidewalk in, the city finally laid down grass seed AND neon green foamy stuff that's supposed to sprout grass in the spring.

I don't know about that.

The color of the neon green seed has diminished and everyone and their mother has been walking through the parkway so it will be interesting to see what comes up in a few months.

Housekeeping

Since the weather’s so crappy these days I’ve been doing some housekeeping on the blog.

With help from a friend, a new template was added. He walked me through how to edit my links so now most of my links work.

I’ve also added a new friend---Chicago Carlessness, a fellow south sider and cycling enthusiast. Give her a big “howdy.”

Maybe if I start biking everywhere instead of taking the bus I’ll be back at college weight before I know it.

By the way Carless, if you happen to run upon another potentially life threatening situation, be sure to have a sharpened old fashioned can opener up your sleeve. I generally find that and some hard looks will back a mother off of you.

Trust me, I know plenty of tough ass white girls. Don’t ever let race be a factor when you must defend yourself.

And speaking of defending yourself, and by defending yourself I mean with knowledge, I’ve also added some new links for the information junkies out there.

AlderTrack and EveryBlock Chicago are for those of you (like me) who literally want to know the latest up to date happenings.

AlderTrack gives you the 411 municipally and EveryBlock Chicago literally gives you the dish on everything else. ‘Cause I know you kids want to find out what’s being zoned down the street from you as well the crime stats with a click of a mouse.

Lastly, some food for thought.

I predict that gentrification and all of the issues that surround it will continue to be a hot button issue for the south side in the years to come.

In my scant time down here, I realized it ain’t all about race.

Those dollars you bring home also play a huge part in how you see the world.

And from where I sit, it seems like a replay of my time in Uptown is shaping up down here in Woodlawn.

The Haves (condo owners) vs. The Have Nots (subsidized renters) vs. The University of Chicago vs. The Old Time Establishment.

With all of that contentiousness it ‘s easy to forget that the root of all of this is people trying to secure the most basic of human needs----shelter.

And no matter how crappy your housing may or may not be when change beckons and the odds don’t look in your favor you tend to come out swinging.

Hence the potential battle royale.

Luckily I ran across a little article written by a person of faith that gave me pause.

It should be required reading before anyone moves into what people like to classify as an “emerging neighborhood.”

It should be required reading for anyone who lives in an “emerging neighborhood.”

It should be required reading for establishment, corporate & neighborhood activist types.

Just a little light reading on coalition building never hurt anyone.

It’s The Fraud, Stupid

Since it’s an election year, I have a question for those who purport change.

When is our government going to get out of the business of subsidizing the hucksters that sap money from condo associations?

How?

It’s only a theory but one that bears repeating.

I don’t think it’s too long of a stretch imagining a person that would commit mortgage fraud would also attempt to defraud the government via a subsidized housing program.

Hell, let’s even take the mortgage fraud out of it since the many ways to defraud lenders and devastate neighborhoods has been talked to death.

Let’s just take this theory on it’s own merits.

Assume you have a landlord who owns a unit in a condominium association who applies for a subsidized housing program.

His or her unit passes the initial inspection, they secure a tenant and the payments from the government commence.

From the landlord’s point of view, everything is humming along nicely.

Now let’s throw a few “what if’s” in the mix.

What if the landlord ceases to pay his or her mortgage?

What if the landlord ceases to pay his or her monthly association assessments?

Now the playing field changes.

You would think that a vigilant board would be able to find out if a unit is subsidized or to notify the proper program officials that such shenanigans are taking place.

If you were a betting person, you’d be wrong.

Per current subsidized housing program procedures, unless you’re the client or the landlord, no information can be released.

And I suppose I understand the reasons for that rule.

The world is not a kind place. Let’s face it, there are those out there who would actively discriminate against clients of the program.

Frankly speaking, they’d be dumb asses to court disaster. Federal housing discrimination lawsuits are a bitch.

Nonetheless for a smart fraudster, that lack of communication----or gaping hole if you will---is a license to print money

You see my friends if that cagey trickster isn’t paying his or assessments but is still getting money from the government, how are you going to stop them?

Any attempts to reach out to the bureaucracy that is subsidized housing usually results with being talked to in very clipped, hurried tones.

You’re all but hung up on.

And I should know, I tried to tackle that maze myself.

As a result, the tricksters and fraudsters are potentially---yes I said potentially since I have no proof---getting away with bags of money on the taxpayer’s dime.

It boggles the mind that an individual can commit fraud, default on a mortgage, endanger a person’s primary residence, financially devastate a condo association AND drive down a neighborhood’s property value just like that (*finger snap*)

In a sense if fraud is being committed, one property could be yielding up to two revenue streams. One from the illegal (and inflated) proceeds and another from the subsidized housing revenues.

Now if the suspect landlord is engaging in these activities the mortgage company loses, the condo associations loses, subsidized housing dollars are being thrown out the window and more importantly the tenant loses.

It’s a big fat bag of ass for everybody.

So in this hotly contested election year I’d ask the candidates how they’d protect the interests of the tenants, condo associations and the public piggybank from assholes who are hell bent on taking all of us for a ride.

That’s the reform I’m interested in.

You Deserve A Break Today

The newly rebuilt McDonalds at Marquette (66th Street) and Stony Island is the hotness.

Apparently the ownership is the same as the McDonalds on 52nd & Lake Park. If that's true, then at least we can be assured that the management will be responsible.

Responsive management is good but I have to say the restaurant is vastly improved over the pile of bricks that was there before. While the new design is cookie cutter as McDonalds go it actually happens to be really is nice.

Before the present ownership took over, the our local McDonalds was, quite frankly, a shit hole.

Panhandlers outside, flithy dining room, slacker employees, menu choices not available----the usual for a south side fast food restaurant.

So when the franchise was sold, it was music to my ears.

Ironically, not too long after the new owner took over she was slapped with health code violations stemming from the old owner's regime.

Or at least that's what the rumor mill said.

But she persevered on, dealt with the health department issues and started the process to build a new restaurant on the old footprint.

In my humble opinion---so far, so good.

Apparently Good Day Chicago felt the same way---they did a live broadcast for their morning show today.

Did anyone catch the flashy flat screen TV and the fireplace on the back wall?

Swanky.

Go Figure

Guess who's on page 63? Thanks for the love Chicago Magazine.

Hellcat

Say what you will about Craig Gernhardt but I’ve always thought highly of him.

For the unfamiliar Mr. Gernhardt is the author of The Broken Heart of Rogers Park which happens to be one of the leading hell raising blogs on the north side.

He questions authority at every turn. Generally giving his alderman and all of the “in the know types” in the 49th ward the business.

That kid takes no prisoners.

A ball breaker extraordinaire.

From political happenings to neighborhood crime to slumlords, Craig finds time to ring everybody’s bell.

Now I haven’t seen him in over eight years but he was no different when we were neighbors in Uptown.

He ran a small flower shop and stayed active in local issues when he was on Wilson Avenue.

He did not suffer foolishness lightly. His fervor for a high neighborhood quality of life was slightly eclipsed by his fervor to take an active part in the solution.

That’s a nice way of saying Craig picked up the trash instead of complaining about it; he confronted the gangbangers instead of backing down and crossing the street; he shooed away the prostitutes and the panhandlers that intimidated most others.

In short, he walked the walk.

He wasn’t (and isn’t) half steppin'.

Personally I remember him for more than his no nonsense demeanor.

I remember him for giving me my first pet.

I remember him for allowing me to buy the funeral arrangement for my mother’s casket on credit because I had to cover the bills at the house in South Bend and had no money.

I remember waving to him and the other ball hawks outside of Wrigley when I was on my way to the bleachers.

I also remember the occasional extra stems he’d slip into a bouquet I’d purchased.

Ever so often I drop in and read his blog. Frankly I think it’s one of the best in the city.

He asks the tough questions and refuses to be led politely down the primrose path.

So I say, “Give ‘em hell Craig.”

You’ve (still) got a friend down in Woodlawn.

The Jackers

A friend was shot at the corner of 67th and Stony Island.

From what I was told, a car with several men stopped near the bus shelter around 7:45PM last Thursday and asked my friend to come over to the car. When he refused and tried to get away, someone from the car pulled a gun out and shot him.

Luckily the bullet only hit his arm and went right through.

Now I'm not sure if this was reported to the police but common sense says that if he received medical care for a gunshot wound then the police were notified.

67th & Stony is only a mere three blocks away from my place.

I haven't heard a peep about this foolishness in any of the mainstream media outlets. I know shootings are pretty common place in Chicago but can a sister get a "heads up?"

Unlike my neighbors to the north in Hyde Park, I don't have a variety of transportation options. If the 6, 28 or 15 is running late I just can't hop on a shuttle.

Even though there are many nights I wish I could.

I look enviously at those warm frequent shuttles that roam throughout Hyde Park. I often wish there was some way I could hitch a ride but the shuttles aren't open to the public. Then of course the University foots the bill for the vehicles, drivers, upkeep and the gas so their students, faculty & staff can stay safe.

Of course since the shooting, you see more University police patroling a wider area.

Which kinda has me thinking.

If Hyde Park is locked down from the jackers and you can't sneeze without having four squad cars show up, who are the criminal types going to prey on?

I'll tell you who----the rest of us who don't have two police departments (regularly)patroling their neighborhood, that's who.

While some parts of Woodlawn get some overlap from the U of C police it seems more like the holding of the Maginot Line rather than effective policing.

I could be wrong.

Usually after the Christmas holidays the jackers take a break.

It's colder, less people are walking around laden down with packages and Christmas cash.

Plus those jacker knuckleheads are gearing up for Christmas number two or as the rest of the world likes to call it the tax refund season.

Watch your ass when you're at a Currency Exchange.

If you go to one of those places to file your return, I'd strongly suggest Turbo Taxing your return online or if you meet the income guidelines having your return done at the IRS downtown.

Whatever the case may be I have an uneasy feeling about this latest crime.

No matter where you live---city or suburbs---you live with the constant threat of violence.

Despite what some people may think no place is exempt. The instances may be few and far inbetween but no place is 100% safe.

I love going to visit friends on the 'burbs but I lock their doors with the same compulsion that I lock mine when I'm hear in Woodlawn.

But I can't be frightened to take the trash out, run errands or wait on public transportation.

Apparently keeping an eye out and being aware of your surroundings isn't enough anymore.

I guess security is a luxury for those who can afford to pay.

Busted

There is always a show on the 6 Jackson Park bus.

The bus line is one of the few that runs from the Loop through the south east side of the city. You have a divergent mix of people along for the ride at all times of the day.

Since the bus doesn’t have 24 hour owl service, during the later hours on the weekends the 6 has more of it’s share of University of Chicago students.

Almost every time a group of tomorrow’s leaders get on a quiet bus, tranquility goes out the window.

Now it’s not just the U of C students, hell most young people get on the bus and disturb the peace.

It happens all of the time.

My thing is that I hold the U of C kids to a higher standard as they---well---go to the University of Chicago. Hell aren’t they supposed to be smart and intuitive?

Don’t they get that no one wants to hear loud conversations in an enclosed space that they can’t easily leave?

Then of course I’m almost about to turn 40 and am turning into a curmudgeon.

So it’s was with endless amusement that I noticed a group of bright young things happily chatting while being eyed up by an awkward young man.

Frankly if the girls weren’t sitting right next to me, I wouldn’t of believed that they went to U of C.

It’s hard not engage in stereotypes but let’s suffice it to say that the University of Chicago has not made any lists of hottest co-eds.

But then of course I’m no Beyonce.

The young man attempted to read a book but was so enchanted by the girls that he almost lost his grip on one of the rails where he was standing.

Another time he almost fell on me.

Apparently this young man doesn’t spend a great deal of time on the 6 as he couldn’t bus surf.

Those of us who frequent public transportation know that if you’re standing, you have to distribute your weight evenly when the bus sways so you don’t fall all over the place.

Apparently this kid couldn’t stand and stare at the same time.

Men looking at women is nothing new.

Men rudely staring and practically drooling is something quite different.

The only he didn’t do was start to touch himself. Creepy.

The fact that everyone sitting in the front part of the bus noticed the young man’s interest made for instant rolling theatre.

I’m sure the co-eds knew what was going on as well.

As a woman you have a heightened sixth sense when it comes to your personal safety. Especially when you’re traveling on public transportation.

Despite the fact they didn’t even acknowledge him, I’m fairly confident they felt his presence.

As the bus passed the Museum of Science and Industry both the co-ed’s and the young man prepared to get off the bus at the first stop on Stony Island.

As the ladies, and their chatter, left out the back door; the young man almost ran into the door leaving out the front.

Everyone else left on the bus gave each other knowing looks.

As a few of us chuckled over what had just happened, I hoped that none of those young women had a class with that guy.

Admiration is one thing, borderline stalking is quite another.

West Side meets East Side

Right before Christmas I had the pleasure of meeting a few of my neighbors who live in the western part of Woodlawn.

They found me via this blog and after a few e-mails back and forth we decided to meet.

The young woman who had initially contacted me also said that a few of her neighbors were going to tag along for kicks.

“No worries.” I said but strongly suspected that they wanted to make sure I wasn’t a freak show. Perhaps they thought there was greater safety in numbers.

Or maybe they were all curious to see the woman behind the curtain.

Either way we finally set a date and time to meet at one of my regular watering holes.

I met three ladies and one gentleman who seemed to be a bit taken aback yet utterly fascinated with the environment around them. So much so, that I wasn’t sure at the beginning they were listening to me after we made our introductions.

Silly me---I should of given them a head’s up to the type of place where we were meeting.

I tend to forget that not everybody may be used to a place that sells $20 martinis.

The crowd this type of place tends to attract is a bit “different” than the crowd you may get at your local corner bar.

While it makes for great people watching, to the uninitiated I can see how it can be a bit intimidating.

I personally could give a flying fig but it is interesting to know that at the end of the day the person sitting next to you could be your friendly neighborhood billionaire.

Well not exactly my friendly neighborhood billionaire but your get my sentiment.

Nonetheless, my neighbors all happened to be white and three out of the four graduated from either the University of Chicago undergrad or Law School.

Talking with them, their concerns about Woodlawn seemed to echo most of the themes that I’ve written about in the past. But because they live west of me and in the 20th ward, they had additional issues that don’t figure into my day-to-day living.

Since I have the school across the street as a neighbor, the amount of apartment buildings has been severely reduced in my neck of the woods.

My west Woodlawn living neighbors aren’t so lucky.

In their opinion, some nearby apartment buildings are poorly managed and seem to be havens for crime and quality of life issues in their immediate neighborhood.

I was told of blatant drug dealing & usage, shootings, and a near riot last summer.

You know I’m schlepping over there during the summer to enjoy cocktails on the porch and watch the crack heads and civil unrest.

It’ll remind me of Uptown back in the day.

Aside from our commonalities, my neighbors wove a fascinating tale of what it’s like to be white in Woodlawn.

While I write about the few white people that I know who live on the south side, the stories have more of a humorous slant.

And what’s not funny about a fish out of water tale?

Urban ills aside, my neighbors like their community and seem fully committed to remaining long-term residents. Yet what I found interesting is not the reactions they received from black people but the reactions that they receive from other white people.

The University of Chicago Law School grad works at a large downtown firm and routinely gets questions on why she lives on the south side.

After all she graduated law school and has a good job, why on earth would she choose to stay in Woodlawn?

While no one said it, I’m sure that quite a few of their families were (and are) a tad concerned when they decided to put down roots south of the University of Chicago.

And I’m sure the recent high profile shooting scant blocks from their home didn’t help perceptions either.

But my west Woodlawn dwelling neighbors seem to take it all in stride.

They remain active in their community, attend public meetings, strive to improve the quality of their community and continue to keep their fingers crossed for a dog park.

Next time we meet they can pick the bar.

False Alarm

It seems that I jumped the gun.

No one in my building is putting their unit on the market.

My newest neighbor bought a lock box so her friends could access her keys while she was away on vacation.

Paranoid much? No wonder I couldn't find a lising on the real estate websites.

It has taken us so long to get everything on track, anything (read: a potential bootleg investor) that would derail our progress is going to cause concern.

Plus you wouldn't want someone to move into your association in October and put the place up by January of the next year. Baring a job transfer or a sudden engagement, you'd have to be some shitty ass neighbors for that to happen.

I can only imagine what our newest neighbor was thinking when the topic of the lockbox came up at the association meeting last night.

Maybe she should start writing a blog about living with a group of nutty Black people in a condo association on the south side of Chicago.

I'm sure it would be a hit.

An Inconvenient Truth

Like him or loathe him, Al Gore may have had a point about this global warming thing.

Three days ago, it was 70 degrees.

70 degrees. In January. In Chicago.

Let that sink in for a minute.

I don’t think we have to wait until this current generation of children grown up before we start noticing severe climate changes.

If this foolishness keeps up Joliet and Cicero will become prime lake front property.

Aside from this obvious problem, the big snow that the Chicagoland area received a few weeks ago has melted.

Usually I’m used to seeing the soggy trash strewn ground in late March or early April. This year my winter malaise came a few months early.

I took it upon myself to pick up the gross, wet trash that had blown in front of our buildings.

Frankly I don’t know where all of the trash comes from as we religiously pick up in front of our property. I guess the wind must carry it down the street.

It may just be me, but it seems that a bulk of the trash on our side of the street comes to rest in-between the spokes of our gates.

As I donned the gloves and filled up the bag, I noticed a significant demographic shift concerning the neighborhood refuse.

Our little neck of the woods must be on the come up as the discarded liquor and beer bottles have changed from malt liquor, Hennessey & rotgut label brands.

Now I’m picking up Fat Tire bottles, Guinness empties and all sorts of premium high priced vodka bottles. Someone was thoughtful enough to leave an empty case of Patron tequila near the curb.

Say what you will about Woodlawn but at least someone around here is drinking well

New Development

Apparently someone in my building may be selling.

There's a realtor's lockbox on our gate but so far my sleuthing hasn't turned up who may be selling. I've talked to most of our owners and trolled the internet for a listing but have come up with nothing.

The rumor mill seems to think that our newest neighbor may have put her unit on the market. She just got here in October, I can't imagine that she'd put her place on the market so soon.

Wouldn't that be an interesting development.

Curious Woody

Maybe it’s just me.

Perhaps I’ve missed the point.

I might not be firing on all cylinders.

Back in October of 2006 I asked the Lord High Executioner how was it possible that real estate developers were securing permits from DCAP without actually being a member of the real estate developer’s registry.

After all, the ordinance was to ensure “that only licensed developers could apply for building permits, this ordinance helps improve the quality of building construction.”

At least that’s what the February 11, 2004 press release said.

When the LHE started digging for an answer to my simple little question, he was told that it’s difficult to hold developer’s feet to the fire as there is no way the city can prove an individual’s intent to sell when they're applying for their permits.

In short, the ordinance can’t even begin to protect the average home buying consumer because all a shady developer has to do is not declare their intent to sell.

Then you have cut rate, half assed work and possible code violations. Once you sign your name on the dotted line, the jokes on you---it’s your entire problem.

You join the society of “God I wish I knew that back then.”

Luckily you have me to help you along the way.

Interestingly enough---and if I’ve connected all of the dot correctly---Carlton Knight is developing a single family home on the 3200 block on south Rhodes Avenue.

Naturally he flew through the DCAP permit process aided by his expediter.

And to the best of my knowledge, Mr. Knight still has not taken the step to be included on the developer’s registry for the City of Chicago.

I may be wrong---I need to go fill out Freedom of Information Act request forms anyway. It’s not like I have a job or anything. Perhaps since the last time I checked he went ahead and complied with the ordinance.

Hope springs eternal, no?

Unemployment is murder on the finances but does leave me copious amounts of time to dig through city and federal records.

The larger question is now that his intent to sell the property is in the public domain; will the city void his permits and throw a cease & desist order on the construction?

Just curious.

Boundaries

He’s at it again.

Our handyman has continued to store his personal belongings in one of our basements.

I also strongly suspect he’s the one who’s leaving one of our many basement doors unlocked. Who in Christ’s name would leave a door unlocked in Woodlawn?

Where does common sense come into play?

I was taking my trash out a few days ago and happened to check a few basement doors just as a precaution when I discovered that one was left open.

I walked in to the overwhelming smell of urine, various mechanical parts strewn all over a table, a shopping cart full of crap AND various condoms.

At least the condoms were unused.

Clearly our handyman did not learn anything from having his personal belongings thrown out the first time. He’s back up to his old tricks.

Apparently he’s taken up to living in the basement and can’t distinguish between his living and working situation.

Hopefully at our next board only meeting we’ll be able to make the distinction for him.

This is getting too creepy.

Be Careful What You Wish For

My concern over the lack of retail in this neck of the woods has been well documented.

While I long for the day I can walk to the dry cleaners and fresh produce, with Woodlawn’s track record more of these fine establishments will open somewhere by my house in 2008:

A fast food restaurant
Can a sister get a casual dining restaurant? Even a Chili’s or Bennigan’s would be a step up.

A Currency Exchange
Great---just what we need---a reason why the 1st, 15th and every Friday becomes more dangerous.

A Dollar Store
Unless it’s a Dollar Tree, get to steppin’.

A Beauty Supply Store
As if I couldn’t hit a dead cat with the multitude that already exist. I find it ironic that (at least in black neighborhoods) blacks rarely run a business geared toward black women and most of the money is funneled out of the community. I’m just sayin…

Car Wash
Don’t get me started…

I know attitudes are slow to change and that my alderman is working hard to secure retail opportunities but I hope that new offerings are in the future.

Improvement?

Speaking of University of Chicago and their past plans of urban renewal, the school across the street managed to pull off it’s own mini renewal plan when they expanded their campus some time ago.

Now I’m not sure if the acquisition of the buildings and the land raised a stink when it was being done, but I have yet to hear of any drama.

The campus is undeniably beautiful and a gem of east Woodlawn.

It does give me pause though.

If the school across the street hadn’t had the foresight to expand their campus would my little section of paradise be this nice and quiet?