Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Sly & The Family Stone

Since I’m pretty damn good at chronicling everybody else’s shit on this blog, I think it’s my turn.

I’ve been a preoccupied little beaver for the past 8 months.

You see I’ve been pulling double duty concerning a family affair. More specifically I’m essentially supporting two households on my meager income.

Well it wasn’t meager until I had to do (most of) the heavy financial lifting for myself and others.

Everything changed 4th of July weekend a few years ago.

That was when my sister made a tragic mistake to drink and drive. The subsequent accident she caused and the death of a motorist on the opposite side of the median changed all of our lives.

And when I say our, I mean mine, her children’s, her victim, her victim’s family and the other young women who where also a part of the accident.

That whole ripple effect is a motherfucker when it happens in your life.

So if you were ever wondering why there would be such huge gaps between postings, now you have your answer.

It’s difficult at best to push for truth, justice and the American way on the condo front; deal with apathetic neighbors AND make sure all the bills and mortgages are paid in two different states.

Did I mention that while all of this is going on, my only sibling who I dearly love---but who clearly fucked up---sits in prison?

Which is exactly where she belongs.

How one stupid ass decision, a momentary lap of judgment can effect so many people’s live is such a profound way.

But while all of this is difficult for me, I can only imagine the frustration of her victim’s family.

If the sentencing statement given by the woman’s adult son is any indication, he’s pulling pretty much the same financial nut as me except he’s desperately angry at my sister.

And who wouldn’t be?

Then of course perhaps our circumstances aren’t so different.

I hope that none of you have a family member or loved one shipped off to jail. But in the course of the last eight months I’ve found out that quite a few people that I know---movers and shakers, sophisticates & ‘round the way girls have a relative or two in the slammer.

It’s funny how people will unburden their souls about the problems in their families when you have complete candor about yours.

They understood my frustration, the dark moods, the rants in letters to my sister about choices in the past that have led up to this specific moment in time.

They understood the tears that still flow even now and how I somehow think it’s my fault for not being able to make everything have a happy ending.

In short, yeah I was pissed. I felt abandoned and alone.

I was the only person from our immediately family still (free) standing and oh so very scared. And yeah, I was preoccupied.

There are many times I barely feel like a fully functioning adult. To truly have to act like one because actual flesh and blood people and animals are depending on you is horrifying.

There’s a reason why I take to cats.

I don’t know how you real adults even handle this much pressure.

So while I don’t want your sympathy I do want you nice people to take something away from this little tale of woe:

Drunk driving is such a preventable crime. If you find yourself boozed up and lack the fucking common sense to not get behind the wheel; I hope and pray you surround yourself with people who will break their shoe off in your ass in order to save lives.

I know from firsthand experience. Don’t do it----the risks and consequences far outweigh you leaving your car somewhere.

For those of you who have lost a loved one or friend to this senseless act, my heart is always with you.

My mother died almost eight years ago and I was so not ready for her to go. While the circumstances weren’t as tragic and violent, I do know what it’s like for someone to leave you unexpectedly.

Lastly I learned that you can’t live someone’s life for them. On the flip side you can’t hold yourself responsible for their mistakes.

That’s always a tough one to deal with, right?

For reasons that I won’t discuss---hell even my closest friends don’t know----my sister and I have a history that may seem familiar to some yet foreign to others.

Some things just have to remain private.

And no I won’t answer any questions about the accident and the like. Not only is it still too close to the surface but it’s just plain none of your business.

This shit is hella painful.

But you’re wondering, “Why did she choose to post about this at this particular time?”

Two words---background knowledge.


ChiKat said...

I know you don't want sympathy, but this post totally breaks my heart. It sucks that you have to deal with the fallout from your sister's actions -- but I know how hard it is to walk away from someone you love. It's says so much about your own personal strength that you're able to hold it all together.

The Woodlawn Wonder said...

You're a pumpkin to say so Chi. But there's more of the saga to come. Once I get it all out I'll build a bridge and get over my personal pitty party.