Pity Party

Smelly and unemployed is not a dream combination.

With my extended job hunt sucking the life both out of me and my bank account, a crisis in confidence was sure to happen.

Well it did.

And as I related in the last post, reality gave me a swift kick in the ass.

No matter how I felt about this little change of fortune or how bruised my professional ego may be, Mama has bills to pay and a fuzzy gray cat that needs to be fed.

Moreover, why am I gonna let a small thing like unemployment stand in the way of my milestone birthday celebration in August?

Plus I have yet to win the Chicago Tribune’s Glorious Gardens contest. Admittedly it would be a difficult to do so if I don’t have enough money to put a garden down this year.

The pity party is gonna have to wait for another day.

One day you’ll find yourself patronizing one of the many fine restaurants in the Hyde Park area and thinking to yourself, “That woman doesn’t fit the mold of a typical waitress and her ass is too big to be a co-ed’s. I wonder if that’s my favorite blogger The Woodlawn Wonder?”

That would be a yes.

I start training next week so I can sling food and libations. While I haven’t waitresses in quite some time, I think it will be a good departure from the corporate grind that I’d experienced for over ten years.

Plus I really need to get my ass off the couch and stop watching Lifetime.

Did I mention QVC has crept into the rotation?

I also wanted to really get my hustle on and substitute teach for Chicago Public Schools.

Despite the fact they have a desperate shortage of substitute teachers, applications are not being accepted from those of us who do not have an education degree.

Can you even fathom how asinine that policy sounds.

Risking life and limb as a substitute is a job so few people obviously want to do. Apparently in order to sit and take guff off of students, the powers that be at CPS feel that you need to have taken education courses to do so.

So as schools desperately scramble for a warm body and a heartbeat, I who is willing to risk daily peril cannot even offer my services because I choose to get an English Literature degree.

And no, I don’t want to teach. I spent a lifetime watch my mother doing it so speaking from the perspective as a teacher’s kid---I’ll take a pass.

But seeing that the schools have a need for subs and I have a need for cash and an overwhelming desire to keep the heat on, I thought it would be a perfect fit.

That would be a no.

its on to running pub grub and rum and cokes for the Hyde Park crowd.

Remember to tip your wait staff generously the next time you’re out enjoying a meal.

I don’t expect George Clooney to invite me to the villa on Lake Como for a few days to celebrate my birthday so it looks like if I’m going to have a fantastic milestone, I’m going to have to work like a mother.