Saturday, December 05, 2009

Kool Aid

On occasion my neighbor Erin and I have serious discussions on what's wrong with this country.

While she sites Maroon 5 and Nickelback as prime causes, when I saw her yesterday I brought up a far more sinister force that is permeating our way of life.

Ladies and gentlemen, resist the Snuggie nation.

Billing itself as a blanket with sleeves, the American people have fallen for this ruse hook, line and sinker.

These abominations unto God are flying off the shelves like hotcakes.

At first I could ignore it like any other bad trend. Then recently I saw this horrific display in the front of the Walgreens at 67th and Stony Island.



Even Black people have taken a big gulp of the kool aid.

To quote Florida Evans, "Damn, damn, DAMN!"

When I asked the security guard if the evil Snuggies were selling briskly he said that they were. He even commented that he was considering getting one.

I guess the look on my face told him otherwise.

"So I shouldn't get one?" He asked.

"Ummm, no." I replied.

I then asked him what was wrong with the blankets that he already had at his house? He replied "But this is a blanket with sleeves. It's like I have a blanket on but it won't slip off when I walk around."

Damn player. How can you even begin to debate that slothful logic?

We're so lazy as a culture we can't even cover ourselves with a blanket. Now we have to take them everywhere?

I will say that if he expects any heat in the romance department, he best not be walking around in a Snuggie when his significant other is around.

'Cause if some man tried to rub up against me in a Snuggie I would inform him that until that thing is burned at the stake the candy store is closed.

Hell, the friction of all of that attempted rubbing might cause a spark which in turn would engulf the offending garment in flames.

Those things don't look too flame retardant.

Like all of the things I've instantly hated throughout the years----Pete Rose and Milli Vanilli just to name a few---I hope America wakes up before it's too late.

The Snuggie is the garment equivalent of having way too many cats.

You've been warned.

4 comments:

Jill said...

Freaking laughing my butt off!

They look a little "cultish." Do they come with a pair of Nikes and are we going to catch the next comet?
I realize you can "hold the baby", "talk on the phone", and "read a book". Lord knows, I let the baby just lay there and cry, was uneducated and the phone was never answered before the Snuggie. Right?
I agree. RESIST!!!!

Tara H said...

friend of Erin says:

hilarious. what's wrong with a sweatshirt people?
I'd love to hear your opinion on crocs. lol

The Woodlawn Wonder said...

Tara,

Plastic shoes? Moving on quickly...

The North Coast said...

A relative gave me a snuggie a few years ago, for Christmas. Worse, it's blue plaid.

This girl is distinctly NOT a blue-plaid-flannel sort of person. Pale rose silk is more my thing. So I drag the old pink wool blanket all over the apartment in the winter, over a pink chenille shawl, over a velvet robe.