Saturday, December 05, 2009

Kool Aid

On occasion my neighbor Erin and I have serious discussions on what's wrong with this country.

While she sites Maroon 5 and Nickelback as prime causes, when I saw her yesterday I brought up a far more sinister force that is permeating our way of life.

Ladies and gentlemen, resist the Snuggie nation.

Billing itself as a blanket with sleeves, the American people have fallen for this ruse hook, line and sinker.

These abominations unto God are flying off the shelves like hotcakes.

At first I could ignore it like any other bad trend. Then recently I saw this horrific display in the front of the Walgreens at 67th and Stony Island.

Even Black people have taken a big gulp of the kool aid.

To quote Florida Evans, "Damn, damn, DAMN!"

When I asked the security guard if the evil Snuggies were selling briskly he said that they were. He even commented that he was considering getting one.

I guess the look on my face told him otherwise.

"So I shouldn't get one?" He asked.

"Ummm, no." I replied.

I then asked him what was wrong with the blankets that he already had at his house? He replied "But this is a blanket with sleeves. It's like I have a blanket on but it won't slip off when I walk around."

Damn player. How can you even begin to debate that slothful logic?

We're so lazy as a culture we can't even cover ourselves with a blanket. Now we have to take them everywhere?

I will say that if he expects any heat in the romance department, he best not be walking around in a Snuggie when his significant other is around.

'Cause if some man tried to rub up against me in a Snuggie I would inform him that until that thing is burned at the stake the candy store is closed.

Hell, the friction of all of that attempted rubbing might cause a spark which in turn would engulf the offending garment in flames.

Those things don't look too flame retardant.

Like all of the things I've instantly hated throughout the years----Pete Rose and Milli Vanilli just to name a few---I hope America wakes up before it's too late.

The Snuggie is the garment equivalent of having way too many cats.

You've been warned.


Jill said...

Freaking laughing my butt off!

They look a little "cultish." Do they come with a pair of Nikes and are we going to catch the next comet?
I realize you can "hold the baby", "talk on the phone", and "read a book". Lord knows, I let the baby just lay there and cry, was uneducated and the phone was never answered before the Snuggie. Right?
I agree. RESIST!!!!

Tara H said...

friend of Erin says:

hilarious. what's wrong with a sweatshirt people?
I'd love to hear your opinion on crocs. lol

The Woodlawn Wonder said...


Plastic shoes? Moving on quickly...

The North Coast said...

A relative gave me a snuggie a few years ago, for Christmas. Worse, it's blue plaid.

This girl is distinctly NOT a blue-plaid-flannel sort of person. Pale rose silk is more my thing. So I drag the old pink wool blanket all over the apartment in the winter, over a pink chenille shawl, over a velvet robe.