On occasion my neighbor Erin and I have serious discussions on what's wrong with this country.
While she sites Maroon 5 and Nickelback as prime causes, when I saw her yesterday I brought up a far more sinister force that is permeating our way of life.
Ladies and gentlemen, resist the Snuggie nation.
Billing itself as a blanket with sleeves, the American people have fallen for this ruse hook, line and sinker.
These abominations unto God are flying off the shelves like hotcakes.
At first I could ignore it like any other bad trend. Then recently I saw this horrific display in the front of the Walgreens at 67th and Stony Island.
Even Black people have taken a big gulp of the kool aid.
To quote Florida Evans, "Damn, damn, DAMN!"
When I asked the security guard if the evil Snuggies were selling briskly he said that they were. He even commented that he was considering getting one.
I guess the look on my face told him otherwise.
"So I shouldn't get one?" He asked.
"Ummm, no." I replied.
I then asked him what was wrong with the blankets that he already had at his house? He replied "But this is a blanket with sleeves. It's like I have a blanket on but it won't slip off when I walk around."
Damn player. How can you even begin to debate that slothful logic?
We're so lazy as a culture we can't even cover ourselves with a blanket. Now we have to take them everywhere?
I will say that if he expects any heat in the romance department, he best not be walking around in a Snuggie when his significant other is around.
'Cause if some man tried to rub up against me in a Snuggie I would inform him that until that thing is burned at the stake the candy store is closed.
Hell, the friction of all of that attempted rubbing might cause a spark which in turn would engulf the offending garment in flames.
Those things don't look too flame retardant.
Like all of the things I've instantly hated throughout the years----Pete Rose and Milli Vanilli just to name a few---I hope America wakes up before it's too late.
The Snuggie is the garment equivalent of having way too many cats.
You've been warned.