Monday, May 22, 2006

Railing Against The Man

An Open Letter To The Pinheads at Cerberus Capital Management:

You suck.

Now I know that there are levels of business that are way above my fuzzy little head but the eventual gutting and closing of Cub Foods on 87th Street cannot be one of your company’s finest moments.

In fact, rumor has it that all of the Cub Foods in the Chicagoland area will be closed within a year. Would that have anything to do with Cerberus’ involvement in a group to purchase the Jewel supermarket chain? Or has that already happened?

Now forgive me if my conspiracy theory addled brain is working overtime but south siders have very few shopping options.

South siders without cars have even fewer.

Taking away a high quality affordable option for groceries while owning the high cost alternative is like putting the rat in charge of the cheese don’t you think?

Because I’m sure it never entered your mind that when taking away Cub Foods would drive most of your consumers south of Madison Street to Jewel.

It’s not like the prices at Jewel weren’t ridiculous to begin with. I’m sure this significant reduction in competition will lead to those going down---right?

If you jokers think that my brie eating, chardonnay swilling ass is going to knuckle under to this under performing store bullshit you’ve got another thing coming.

I pissed and moaned about going miles away from home to get decent food at a decent price and I put the jinx on all of us.

Jewel may be a place where I can get chittlins AND veggie burgers at the same store but you cats ain’t the only game down here.

While Save-A-Lot and Food 4 Less may not have the selection, they definitely have the deals. I also hear that Ultra Foods is the bomb diggity.

I’m going to go to Cubs for as long as I can or until their stock runs out but don’t think I won’t be shopping at these other places for the best deals until I find my new grocery shopping home.

Don’t also think that I won’t be activating that dormant account at Peapod. They come down to the ‘hood as well.

The most egregious part of this whole thing is that a quality shopping center which are few and far between on the south side is losing an anchor store with nothing slated to fill it’s spot in the near future.

Like we need another unlit boarded up place with an unpatrolled parking lot for the Jenkins Boys to hang.

Bravo, Cerberus---the neighborhood, the whole of the south side and a soon to be former customer thank you for attempting to take the area back economically twenty-five years.

I’ll soon be hitching rides to Trader Joes to buy my Brie and chardonnay there.

So nuts to you.

Warmest Regards,

The Woodlawn Wonder

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