Frank---The Back Story

Yes, that is a picture of a squirrel with a chicken wing in his mouth.

And no it wasn’t photo shopped.

But I’m getting ahead of myself----let me introduce you all to Frank.

Frank is mainly seen in the Washington Park neighborhood but no one knows exactly where he (or she?) resides.

My friend who lives across the street from Washington Park encountered Frank about four years ago when he started digging up the container garden that I worked so hard to plant.

At the time I didn’t know that those cute furry woodland creatures commonly known as squirrels were garden destroying rats with a fluffy tail and good PR.

Both my friend and I were extremely pissed.

Frank tore out my hard work to bury one of his many prizes----a corn cob, half a snickers bar or perhaps some other delicacy he found amidst the urban landscape.

Motherfucker.

So over the years during the warmer months, a battle would ensue between us and him.

At first my friend would leave his three dogs on the back porch where the flower boxes were located.

Frank merely kept out of their reach while he proceeded to rip apart another flower box.

Then at the start of last planting season we heard that blood meal would keep squirrels away from your flower boxes. So naturally we grabbed a few bags.

It seemed to work, yet Frank still came around to tease the dogs.

It seemed that Frank had upped the ante. It wasn’t about the flowerboxes anymore.

If my friend didn’t keep up with his blood meal application Frank would merely come back and we’d find plants on the floor of the back porch the next day.

That flipping squirrel was (and is) a sadist.

So it was no surprise when I got an excited phone call one day about his outrageous behavior.

“Woody, you won’t believe what I just saw!”

“Good God, what happened now?”

“The dogs were going crazy on the back porch barking at Frank.”

“Alert the media.”

“He was carrying a hot chicken wing in his mouth.”

“Shut up you liar. I should hang up this phone right now. Since when do squirrels start eating chicken wings?”

“I don’t know but he has a chicken wing in his mouth right now----I have a picture to prove it.”

“Bullshit.”

“No really, I have a picture.”

“So let’s see it, homeboy. Send it to me.”

And so he did.

At this point, all I can do is shake my head.