A Perfect Ten

10 long months.

That’s how long I haven’t had corporate employment.

That’s how long I’ve been paying for my own health, life and dental insurance.

That’s how long I have been searching for a job.

And let me define job as being one that pays as much or more than I was making at my other gig. A job that doesn’t involve serving or servicing anyone, has built in sick days and vacation time.

It would be nice not to say, “Would you like that house salad to come out first?”

It’s beyond frustrating.

I’m tired of worrying about working multiple jobs, sweating making the mortgage every month.

Make no mistake the mortgage comes first; much to the detriment of everything else and my credit rating.

Almost 40 years old and having to rebuild my credit rating---great.

Shouldn’t I be alfresco dining in Paris right now? Not worrying about coordinating my three jobs so I have enough money to keep my utilities on.

Paying the utilities these days is a series of Faustian deals with Com Ed, Peoples & AT&T.

I’m tired of having my friends help either via employment or funds.

My two of my three part time jobs are with close friends. The other is in the office suite of a close friend.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate everything that everyone has done for me, but I’m of the mind set that no matter how much someone likes you, there comes a time you have to stand on your own two feet.

It seems like my attempts at standing have been met with a massive ass kicking.

Plus no one needs to know every last thing about your life---no matter how much you like them.

It blurs the lines of friendship and we all know how tricky that can be to negotiate.

The fact of the matter is that apparently my best job hunt efforts aren’t good enough.

I’m trying to figure out how to correct and redirect my efforts so I don’t have to choose between groceries and paying my condo assessments.

Not that those are up to date but a girl can dream can’t she?

And then to drive the unemployment point home, one of my part time jobs (yes I had four) shut down about two weeks ago.

My main part time gig at Pottery Barn on Michigan Avenue is no more.

Jesus take the wheel, I’m the great job killer.

I know I’ve done a few of these posts over the past ten months but it just seems like everything is going into a downward spiral despite my best efforts.

I seriously want my life back.

Like right now.

It really takes fortitude to get out bed these days.

But knowing that the alternative is homelessness has served as motivation enough but now even that isn’t the kick that it used to be.

Frankly the cat meowing for his breakfast is what gets me to move my ass in the morning.

And yes, I’m not feeling too confident these days but I tell myself that I have to refocus and redouble my efforts. I also try to let go of the things I can’t control and deal with the things I can control.

So to pull me out of my funk, I’ve committed myself to making my little nest as tidy as possible.

While my place is still not completely spit and polished, things were progressing nicely.

Until the grease fire that happened on Saturday.