...And You Thought The Firemen Were Hot

I preface this statement with my apologies to Mrs. Dart & Mrs. Yamashiroya. But I must say that you are both married to some incendiary quality hotties.

Yowsa!

Among the usual suspects at yesterday’s Gay Pride Parade were the delectable Sheriff of Cook County, Tom Dart and 23rd District Chicago Police Commander Gary Yamashiroya.

When did those who were sworn to serve and protect get so blazingly hot?

For disclosure’s sake, I have met Commander Yamashiroya as he and I know some of the same peeps back from my old ‘hood. He doesn’t seem like the ass kicking, name taking blue collar image you’d get of a Chicago cop.

From what the peeps have told me he seems to be measured, fair and an all around good guy.

He’s not a boozer, he doesn’t have a rep as being an asshole---‘cause the last person you ever want to meet is a cop with an attitude problem and you don’t hear about him being a skirt chaser.

Frankly, its cops like that who give the Chicago Police Department a good name.

Then of course that handsome mug don’t hurt either.

There he was, marching and waving with his lovely wife and young daughter. Always lean with a little bit of a tan.

A hot man who loves his wife and child and doesn’t try to kill them---Go figure.

In my limited view of the world there is nothing more attractive than happily married men.

No I’m not one of those skanks who sets her sights on the brass ring just out of her reach but rather it gives me hope that nice marriageable, non-commitment phobic, straight men do exist.

Was that our loud? I’m sorry---just step over all of that baggage I just dropped and we’ll continue.

There’s just something about a man who loves his wife and family that is very tantalizing. The irony is that, well---he’s married. So the chances of the hot man ever being that good to me is zero.

I know it’s warped but I suppose the grass always looks greener on the other side.

At least until you fall into the toilet and get the vapor lock of death around you ass because your husband left the seat up.

I suppose the hotness might wear off at that particular moment.

But boy howdy Sheriff Dart almost makes a sister want to go out and break the law.

I strongly suggest getting an honest to God look at that man in person. You’ll thank me later.

I was not aware that the good citizens of Cook County put eye candy in office.

Silly me I vote based on people’s record as it pertains to the office that they’re seeking, not their looks. But if I did Sheriff Dart would have won hands down.

Now it’s easy for me to extol the virtues of hot men while I sit anonymously (for the most part) behind a computer screen. The funny part is if I were standing next to them at a cocktail party I’m sure I’d make an ass out myself.

I am still very much the dorky sixteen year old girl who still can’t make small talk with the boy of my choice.

Now I’m many things, shy and under confident aren’t two of them. I am so the captain of my ship that I can put the wind in my own sails.

Nonetheless it never fails to surprise me that a person who can talk the talk (always) AND walk the walk (mostly), has not one word to say when a hottie walks in the room.

Go figure?

So if the good Commander, the Sheriff and I were having a chat I’d probably be giggling my way through the whole conversation.

Oh---and add some lip biting to boot.

I told you I’m a dork.

So I float on the outer peripheries, admiring the law enforcement man candy from afar.

Mrs. Dart and Mrs. Yamashiroya, do you ladies realize how lucky you are?

Bathroom Boys

It looks like AOZ Construction is blowing up these days.

These are the nice men that took my bathroom from looking like ass to looking hot.

It was no small miracle as the original rehab performed by my developer’s crack construction team wasn’t exactly high quality.

As a matter of fact, we found that when the glass mosaic tile was going up that the walls weren’t set at the proper (or straight) angles.

As a matter of fact, the gents had to correct a whole bunch of crappy workmanship for a slight increase in our original agreed upon price.

That’s ‘cause there was a great deal of extra labor and materials involved.

Nonetheless as the pictures prove----they did a phenomenal job. I was (and am) extremely pleased with the quality, timeliness and professionalism of their work.

Sometimes I just go in the bathroom and contentedly sigh. Kohler commercials don’t have the corner on that market.

If it weren’t for this getting laid off thing, I’d have them back before the end of the summer to put in a new kitchen floor.

But looming unemployment seems to take precedence right now.

It’s always something, right?

I know one day my kitchen will be the best I can afford, but right now I’m gonna have to continue rocking that cheap laminate white appliance Home Depot look that my developer thought was so hot.

Viking appliances may not be in my future, but at least a sister can scrap together a few pennies for the Kenmore stainless package.

I’ll be giving the kids at AOZ a call. If you’re planning a remodel you might want to as well.

Oy! or Infastructure-a-go-go

With an older building there is always some maintenance issue that needs to be addressed. Truthfully it seems like there are more issues or potential issues to be dealt with than hours in the day (or willing volunteers).

Or the short way to say it is there's always something.

The porches that are a little over a year old are already having problems with severely splitting wood and rails coming apart from the posts.

Our porches should have that type of weathering in year eleven or twelve, not going into year two.

You know I'm all over it with the Porch People. Naturally any lack of timely response to my e-mails from my neighbors is slowing the process down significantly. I mean people pissed and moaned about the porches at our last meeting yet haven't responded to an e-mail asking them to detail their concerns.

Jesus take the wheel.

You'll be hearing alot of that phrase in the future. 'Cause at this point, I just have to put it in Jesus' hands 'cause I can't do any more.

Anyhoo...

I'll send another e-mail and post signs in the foyers to give people a last ditch effort to throw in their two cents. After that, Mama takes over.

The latest drama is that someone got a barbecue grill stolen off of their back porch highlighting the back fence issue and one of our buildings has a Noah's Ark type flood going on in the basement.

God I hope my vintage Christmas ornaments aren't ruined.

Jesus take the wheel.

Dorchester Update

When these pictures were taken in early May, signifcant progress had been made on the single family home on the 6500 Block of Dorchester. Further north on the street, the new buildings have sprung from the earth and actually don't look bad for McCondos.

Plotzing

Why did my cable go out an hour and ten minutes prior to the Soprano's series finale?

Naturally I didn't get my reception back until around 9:00 PM the next day. That's the type of love south side dwelling Comcast subscribers receive.

Now Comcast's system could of been having problems in all parts of the city or the region, but somehow I seriously doubt that.

In retrospect, it was good that I couldn't get any information via the TV as I hadn't seen the epissode and was trying to avoid any and all commentary about the show.

Of course I had a sneaking feeling that when my cable starting going on the fritz late Saturday night that problems lie ahead. Just once I'd like my inner voice to be wrong about these types of things.

To add insult to injury the brain trust at Comcast waited a full 24 hours before a "system problem" was officially identified. Hell by that time the most anticipated television finale in recent memory actually was a memory.

Thank God for encore presentations & on-demand.

'Cause I'm telling you I could of dropped a brick Sunday night. I was just plotzing all over the place. While I wasn't happy, I managed to put the whole incident in perspective---no one was bleeding, I still had my health and the earth was still spinning on it's axis.

I also knew that it could of been worse if I had my cable, internet and phone with Comcast. On Monday my friend Rita told me that one of her neighbors was cut off from the outside world entirely. She couldn't get on the internet or make a phone call until late Monday night.

How much would that suck?

So I built a bridge and got over myself. Oh yeah and also folded the clean laundry that was piling up on my bed.

Nonetheless that night I started investigating my cable options.

Comcast is on it's way out in my household. I'm not paying for continuing crappy service and even crappier customer service policies.

The Taxi Cab Rebellion

I recently received this letter from the Department of Consumer Services regarding the taxicab complaint I filed earlier this year:


You are hereby notified that a hearing will be held at the above listed date, time & location against the cab drive you reported to this department for investigation.

The cab driver has been charged with violations of the municipal code of Chicago.

As a key witness, your testimony is essential for an effective prosecution of the case against the cab driver. A copy of the affidavit you submitted is enclosed for your reference and review.

Contact me at 312-XXX-XXXX or at XXXX@cityofchicago.org as to your availability to testify on the above listed hearing date and time. Please inform me whether you will be testifying via telephone, indicate the phone number you can be reached on the date and time of hearing. Please allow for a two hour window to testify by phone.

Your failure to testify may result in the case being dismissed.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. Always reference the above listed complaint number in all communications with this department.


It may have taken five months but the wheels of justice are finally turning for a sister.

Prompt Consideration or Obamarama

I recently received this letter from Senator Barack Obama's Chicago office:

June 1, 2007

Dear Woody:

Some time ago you contacted the Chicago District Office of U.S. Senator Barack Obama. Regrettably, due to the high volume of cases that we receive daily, your documents were inadvertently misplaced.

Just recently we came upon the correspondence you sent ot us in November. We apologize if the delay in our response has caused you any inconvenience and are contacting you now to determine if we can assist you at this time.

We deeply value all of our constituents' problems and hope that, if still in need of our help, you will contact us at 312-XXX-XXXX at your earliest convenience so that we can determin how best to resolve your issue.

We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

XXXX
Constituent Service Agent
U.S Senator Barack Obana

Note: I dropped that letter and the corresponding packet of information off in November of 2005.

Prompt consideration indeed.

Speaking of Karma

Now let's recount...

My mortgage payment may go up or it may stay the same or go down. I don't know for sure yet.

My sister was recently released from the pokey and is starting from scratch.

And now word comes down from on high that our whole department is getting laid off.

While I'm not into the whole pity party scene, I'm starting to feel a little like Job.

Apparently I've pissed off God. I'm sure this is payback for some bad thing I did in the past.

Slumlord Ordinance

…Yet another reason why my alderman kicks your alderman’s ass. Why is she such a rock star?

On The Home Front

I’ve been working diligently to avoid the upcoming mortgage debacle and it’s looking like my perseverance may pay off.

I’ve been in negotiations with my lender to revise the terms of my deal.

Obviously the intent is for my mortgage not to drastically go up at all---much less every six months.

In fact, I hope my payments go down.

This sub prime mess is hitting everyone hard---including the lenders. I guess they realize that it’s better to get all of something than half of nothing.

Which is exactly what I told them when my dreams of refinancing went out the window.

The first adjustment---an extra $300 dollars on top of my current mortgage---would suck but I’d muddle through. The second adjustment in January of 2008 would kill me financially.

I estimate that I’d be paying an additional $400 for a total adjustment of $700 on top of what I already pay now.

There is no way financially I could pull that nut. I told him that I might as well mail him back the keys right now.

I don’t want to give up my home and I strongly suspect that my mortgage company doesn’t want to become homeowners.

Chicago, particularly certain neighborhoods, have been hit hard by this drama.

A six flat down the street from me is still very much in the throws of the foreclosures that happened almost two years ago.

Only a few of the foreclosed upon units have sold. The rest sit empty and their mortgage company owners keep on dropping the sales price to get the units sold.

Talk about a lose-lose situation.

The association loses, the neighborhood loses and most importantly property values go in the shitter.

It seems cheap prices will attract more investors who will rent the units which will rob our little piece of paradise of the overall stability that usually comes with owner occupied condominiums.

Stability equals stable property values. Not this roller coaster that we’re on now.

So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this whole deal works out---and in less time than I was quoted yesterday. I’ve been working on this situation since February.

Mama doesn’t have 8 weeks before this can be finalized. My rate adjusts July 1st.

Sidewalk Apathy

Rumor has it that the oft discussed and much coveted new sidewalks and parkways will be going in some time this summer.

While I personally believe this to be gospel, it won't truly sink in until the signs go up and the concrete is poured.

I'm glad that three years of prodding and poking are about to come to an end but what really burns my biscuits is that the school across the street isn't contributing a dime towards the costs.

After all they're responsible for it's upkeep.

They took property off the tax rolls (as well as a street from the public way) to expand their campus. From my perspective, it seems as soon as they put up that nice tall fence on the south end of their campus, the rest of us who live on the other side of that fence became persona non grata.

But in the nicest way possible.

I've received assurances that the school wants to be a good neighbor but when it comes to coughing up the cash and pulling the trigger on this project let's just say words are all I've seen.

The galling part to this little tale is that they actually had some grant money for the parkways and never used it for the project. Moreover, the entrance to their school a block north is landscaped and pristine within an inch of its life.

As if they'd let their alumni see the crap that I have to call over to the school to get picked up.

So let's review---land was taken off the tax rolls so a private school could expand and they can't even give a flying fig about one of the parkways that they are legally responsible for.

Generally when you've been relegated to an afterthought in someone's life at least they should have the good manners to not make you feel like you're an afterthought.

But karma is a motherfucker. No good deed goes unpunished and apathy has a way of coming back to bite you on the ass.

Stupid

I’m all about being proactive.

Nipping a problem in the bud before it becomes a problem is usually a good thing.

Keeping that philosophy in mind, I decided to get a jump on the potential mortgage debacle by posting an internet ad for a roommate.

I knew that the chances of me getting a roommate right away were remote---south side rentals are challenging at best---so I placed the ad early.

While I’ve gotten a couple of nibbles, the interesting part is that I think that every last response has been from a scammer.

The first respondent asked me for my exact address of my home---and in the first e-mail no less.

While that didn’t immediately set off any red flags, I did think that he was moving awful quickly. Kind of like the guy on the first date that starts picking out baby names and planning your life together.

Just a little creepy.

I forgot what I sent back in my e-mail to him but I’m sure it included me asking him something about himself and his thoughts on an ideal living situation.

His ad was vague and had a lot of pictures of him bare chested with his tattoos.

I was already feeling that this wasn’t exactly going to be a match.

He replied by asking again for my exact home address and included his personal e-mail address and his phone number.

No replies to my queries about him. He didn’t answer any of my questions.

That’s when I knew he was full of crap.

My ad also has pictures of my bathroom, the back porch and the front exterior of the building.

I don’t know if he was trying to case my place so he could rob me or if he was trying to set me up for the old Nigerian 419 scam. Either way I wasn’t having any of that foolishness.

I promptly deleted his e-mails.

About a week later another individual who also offered too much information right away set the alarms off in my head.

Pushy people who are involved in “getting to know you” situations are never good.

Luckily the roommate service that I’ve posted on is aggressively monitoring and deleting accounts that are suspicious.

But even if they weren’t I have my own roommate vetting process that is a little less detailed than a formal FBI background check.

Do these morons think I’m stupid? That I’d just let any jackass in my home?

Feel The Wrath

Now let's all give Macy's a big Chicago "I told you so!"

I wonder how long it will take for them to give our store back it's rightful name?

Mike Holmes

Mike Holmes is the second best thing to come out of our neighbor from the north since Canadian bacon.

And, in the interest of disclosure, I do have a slight crush on him.

But I digress; there may be those of you who aren’t familiar with Mr. Holmes.

Mike Holmes is a general contractor who has a popular show on HGTV Canada where he fixes other bootleg contractor’s many screw ups.

In the process, he saves home owners from unscrupulous, shoddy and in some cases downright criminal contractors & developers.

Now you know why I adore him.

Then of course that lantern jaw and rockin’ body don’t hurt either.

I see men who obviously work out and pay attention to their bodies by going to the gym. Mr. Holmes on the other hand doesn’t look like that because of a soloflex machine, but rather good old hard physical labor.

I’m sure those natural genes passed down from his mother and father come into play at some point.

I just love that big corn fed lookin’ type of man----it’s just the Hoosier in me.

Mrs. Holmes (naturally, he has to be married) is indeed a lucky woman.

His shit’s so hot one of Hollywood’s most famous lesbians proposed marriage.

He seems like such a good and honest person I’ll excuse the flannel and overalls. Then of course there is no room in construction for couture.

On the other hand, the sentences sprinkled with “eh’s” may be a little bit of a challenge. What can you do, he’s Canadian. You don’t throw out a Cadillac because it has ding in it do you?

That would probably explain why I’ve taken to quietly eyeing the nice construction workers, pipe fitters, iron workers and electricians who roam about the loop.

I see a million “captains of the universe.” You know the type---look at my Porsche, I just made partner at a major law firm, check out my new million dollar condo.

Yeah those guys.

But in a sea of those yahoos, I feel a hankering for guys who can actually do something, guys who actually have a trade, guys who can make something with their bare hands.

Perhaps it’s the physicality of their work, maybe it’s those rippling muscles and perhaps it’s the scent of man so early in the morning. Go figure?

Easy girl…refocus.

Nonetheless, Mr. Holmes’ show is on the Discovery Home cable channel here in the states. I strongly suggest that all of you give it a look in the near future.

You can’t go wrong with a man who has his own set of knee pads for professional reasons.

The Righteous

I’ve finally found a good developer.

I searched high and low, kept my ear to the ground and even solicited you kind readers for potential candidates.

Naturally I wound up with nothing. It was as if the word “good” and “real estate developer” could never be used in the same sentence.

The person I’m about to tell you about not only exists, but has been sitting a few blocks away all this time.

The irony is delicious, no?

Ladies and Gentlemen I’d like to introduce you to Benjamin Van Horne and Greenline Development.

You may have heard about Mr. Van Horne on the Chicago Public Radio broadcast about Woodlawn last week. I remember meeting him at a fundraiser for my alderman.

He seemed nice enough but when we’re talking real estate development, I’m sure the title of this blog says it all. I have a healthy dose of skepticism when it comes to people who have the word “developer” in their job title.

But then I heard the Chicago Public Radio broadcast, found his website and had that warm fuzzy feeling.

Still not convinced, I called over to my alderman’s office and spoke with my contact.

“Is this Van Horne guy the real deal? “

“Believe it or not, yes he is.”

“Bullshit---there has to be something wrong with him---some major character flaw. Developers aren’t nice.”

“No really, he’s the real deal and his buildings are spot on. We’ve never received one complaint.”

“Bullshit---are you for real?”

“Yes I am. He’s a nice guy with a conscious who builds buildings that give people an affordable yet nice place to live.”

That statement left me in a quandary. After all, it goes against everything I’ve ever experienced in the “gut rehab” condo market in Chicago.

I was truly perplexed.

In the interest of disclosure, from what I understand Mr. Van Horne has also done some fundraising for my alderman as well as stumped on her behalf.

Normally my spidey sense would be tingling after such a ringing endorsement, but I actually trust the people in my alderman’s office. If this guy were a fuck up I doubt that the love would be there.

At some point I have to trust in at least one city political institution, right?

Plus I like the fact that he’s a socially responsible capitalist. There ain’t nothing wrong with that.

So I will exhibit something I so rarely do these days---trust.

I think this cat is an honest to god good developer. Apparently the only thing he can’t do is turn water into wine.

So if you’re in the market to purchase a condo and it’s offered by Greenline development, more than likely you’re headed down the right path.

Now that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do your homework like Woody told you to. Remember, there is no substitute for good old fashion fact checking. Always cover your ass.

But unless someone has credible documentation to the contrary, Mr. Van Horne may be the first developer actually given the thumbs up by “I Hate My Developer.”

Let’s hope we’ll be able to add many other names in the future.

Spring Has Sprung

Like the swallows coming back to Capistrano and the boozers flocking to sidewalk cafe's, warm weather is returning to the second city.

Not only will I be putting down the garden in short order, but I'll also be able to shop for fresh produce at one of our many weekly farmer's markets.

My grocery bill will go down and I get to support local farmers---some of which hail from areas around my hometown.

On the hit list for next Tuesday:

Mushrooms
Zuchinni
Yellow Squash
Garlic Cheddar Cheese

…And To Prove My Point

Just in case you thought I was making this plastic flower stuff up, read this little ditty I found on a blog of the Lincoln (NE) Journal Star:


“…works for us! We tried real live flowers and found out it was easier to go to Goodwill or find the plastic ones on sale. My wife changes the flowers in the flower boxes according to the season. There's too much in life to get bogged down in trying to accommodate Mother Nature. And if you put a scented air wick out there they even smell like flowers!”

Butch


*More Heavy Sighing*

God Help Me

I've got personal drama going on and world is in turmoil but the latest thing to draw my attention is a few new landscaping additions.

I'm assuming it's a new neighbor who's making an effort at community beautification.

God bless him or her.

Someone put plastic flowers in one of our gardening beds. Roses to be specific.

I nearly passed out when I walked past the beds this morning on my way to work.

Lord Jesus give me strength.

This mystery person also added a pinwheel lawn ornament to the front yard.

*Heavy Sigh*

They also put white stones around a perennial. Note: It's not like I don't already hate the bootleg red landscaping stones that are already in our planting beds. The white stones just add that little something extra special.

But perhaps I'm getting too territorial and putting the cart before the horse.

Perhaps I should be grateful that I have a neighbor who also has an interest in gardening and the ilk.

The desire is there; maybe we can learn for each other and have a meeting of the minds.

Hopefully we can lose the lawn ornaments and plastic flowers along the way.

Bad Sign, Getting Worse

As luck would have it, my refi dreams are down the shitter.

Apparently either due to the foreclosures in the area as well as neighbors who want a quick sale and sell cheaply, the property value in the hoody hoo has dropped over $30,000.

I’m sure inflated appraisals by bootleg appraisers might have had something to do with this as well.

All of these factors have led to a no go on the refi as the loan to value ratios don’t work.

What does this mean for me?

It means that every six months until I can actually refinance my interest rate adjusts upward.

When my rate adjusts in July I may be looking at an additional $300 tacked onto my mortgage payment.

Now as much as that sucks if I work a little bit harder at the second job and stay in one weekend a month, I can make that up with no problem.

The shit hitting the fan comes in January of 2008.

That’s when the rate adjusts again and another $300-$400 gets tacked on to the first rate adjustment.

It’s gonna get ugly real quick like.

But instead of letting this situation control me, I’m exploring some options and will report back when the workable solutions have firmed up.

Until then I have to repay personal debts and batten down the financial hatches.

It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

Faithful

If the stage play of Xanadu does not reproduce this final scene from the movie down to every last roller skater, baggy pants wearing extra there will be hell to pay.

But recognize that the head dress is mine, bitches.