Unemployment Follies

Yes, I’ve started the job hunt.

And not any half assed job hunt but an actual intensive, flat out search.

I’ve made to-do lists targeting technology search firms, friends in the business and friends in general who might know someone.

Resumes have gone out to everybody.

I’ve meet with the outplacement company that was retained by my former employer and am in the process of completing a second version of my resume.

Hell I’ve even purchased a suit from Talbot’s.

It’s a great deal of work but I’ve realized that I have to keep myself busy so I don’t fall into the “rut of unemployment.”

Next thing you know I’ll be wearing fuzzy house shoes in public.

I’m just amazed at the process one has to go through to receive any type of assistance---whether it be unemployment, a medical card or the link card (food stamps).

As I mentioned before there is a great deal of waiting and basic instructions involved.

You usually get spoken to as if you’re not very bright.

But in all fairness, it didn’t seem like there were too many Rhodes Scholars in the bunch when I went to apply for my services.

While my boundless optimism for steady employment and benefits remains high, the look of some of the people is the various social services offices I visited didn’t seem high in the sky.

In fact, there was a mixture of desperation mixed with resignation.

I hope I never have that look in my eyes.

I hope that I never lose my pluck and fight.

I hope that I never give up the ghost and resign myself to live off of the paltry hand out from the State of Illinois.

Let me acquaint you with what a middle class working person who has paid into “the system” since she was a wee lass gets when her company lays her off.

Better yet, let me tell you what I don’t get----health insurance.

Since I have no children or I’m not disabled I get nothing, nada, zilch.

I paid over $14,000 is payroll taxes last year and I can’t get a medical card in case the CTA bus I’m on gets rammed by a drunk driver?

Can you believe that?

I don’t plan on being on it for forever but it would be nice to serve as a stop gap between jobs.

Yes COBRA is an option but at $400 a month it’s not a very affordable one.

I opted for an identical policy to my former coverage offered by ehealthinsurance.com for roughly $240 a month.

Now I hate to let my inner Pat Buchanan out but it doesn’t seem fair that someone who’s contributed to the system can’t utilize it because I don’t fit the profile of someone who seeks assistance.

Moreover, why must you be either at death’s door or impoverished before the government helps you?

Wouldn’t there be a greater cost savings in preventative care and not having someone declare bankruptcy?

Just asking.

Yes my unemployment is coming through but I have to call in every two weeks to make sure I’m certified.

Trust me on this one, no one’s getting rich on $367 a week.

Then of course I’m not going to turn it down either.

Hell it’s easier to get a job than going through this drama. But I guess that’s the point, right?

Shocking

Well Ladies and Gentlemen it was bound to happen sometime.

A building that’s being converted by Carlton Knight has to have major corrective work performed after it’s already been on the market.

That isn’t that unusual believe it or not.

Many times individuals purchase into a “phase” of a condo development prior to all of the work being completed.

Then of course these associations usually tend to be larger than a six flat.

From what I understand three of the six units of the building have sold.

It does give one pause to wonder if the people who plunked down their hard earned cash knew that the permit to replace and/or repair the plumbing, the hot water fixtures, flooring and kitchen cabinets had the final data review on the 8th of this month?

I have to ask my friends who know this type of stuff if the data review is supposed to be completed prior to any sales.

Moreover, if the data review on a permit is completed after some people have already closed, what guarantees will they have to ever get a certificate of occupancy?

Just a few questions whirling about my little brain---don’t mind me.

Anyhoo…

The major corrective work on this building concerns the porches.

Apparently that bad boy isn’t up to current city code.

Hell, standing on my back porch and looking across the way I could of told them that.

Per the DCAP website it seems that an application has been submitted to replace an existing back porch.

Boy oh boy I bet that won’t come cheap.

Getting the new porch plans through DCAP, demolishing the existing porch and building a new porch is costly. I’m gonna ball park it at about $30,000-$40,000.

Of course you could do it on the cheap but this bad boy must pass a city inspection. A real city inspection---not the ones that happened with a wink and a nod back in the day.

See how the bad things that you do come back to bite you in the ass?

Karma is a mother, eh?

We’re getting a new sidewalk, Carlton has to come out of pocket for big money and the Cubs won another nail biter.

This is a good day.

It's Happening!

There’s heavy equipment in the middle of the street and a dumpster at the corner.

My neighbor’s Chrysler 300 just got towed.

There are at least three guys who work for the city standing around doing nothing. In their defense they are waiting for the rest of the cars to get towed from the side of the street the where the work will be performed.

Yup, it smells like parkway construction.

Ladies and Gentlemen, through this blog, you have a front row seat to the continued rebirth of Woodlawn.

I’m so excited I’m about to pee on myself.

If you see some lady in a red robe with a headscarf jumping up and down, don’t call the police just calmly approach and speak to me in soothing dulcet tones. Eventually I'll focus and calm down.

And if you happen to have a bottle of Veuve, well all’s the better.

The Closing

I have a neighbor who is attempting to sell her unit.

Unfortunately there is a bit of confusion concerning certain documents her buyer(s) need from the association for the closing to be scheduled.

Prior to my layoff I received a call from the buyer’s agent requesting all of the usual stuff---Decs & Bylaws, financial statements, a condo survey, paid assessment letter, which I personally delivered to the lender at Washington Mutual.

So imagine my surprise when I hear that a lawyer calls (for whom?) and gets quite agitated about the timeliness of the documentation provided by the association.

She further went on to state that she attempted calling another board member but they failed to get back to her.

At least on that point she’s correct.

Some people on the board aren’t the best with follow through. They like to paint themselves more as managers and idea people than workers---chiefs rather than Indians if you like that analogy; but if you ask me they’re just downright lazy.

But that’s another post for another day.

Nonetheless the lawyer was giving major attitude.

My neighbor who took the call was not happy about this interruption to her workday.

The irony is that she isn’t even on the board but still takes a very active role in the management of our home.

If I understood her rather pointed e-mail, neither she nor her treasurer husband will provide any more assistance regarding the sale of this unit.

While her reaction and decision serves as no surprise---mama has quite the temper---when I spoke with her a few days after the e-mail she did make a valid point.

Our neighbor has hardly ever come to board meetings. When she did, the meetings usually concerned rising assessments, our special assessment or renter rules.

A few years ago when the clarion call went out for maintenance help she was nowhere to be found. She may have contributed a few cleaning items but my memory is fuzzy on that point.

The kicker is that she’s some type of engineer (if memory serves me correctly) and never once spoke up to throw in her two cents about our porch project.
As we all know, you have no obligations other than to pay your assessments and show a begrudging respect for your neighbors when you live in an association.

But as most of us have learned, it never hurts to build up good will with the people you live around. It doesn’t mean you have to love them but pitching in to help out ever so often won’t hurt.

As an association it seems like we’ve been dealing with two different buyers and we’ve made every accommodation to comply with their requests for information.

Frankly speaking it seems like no one is coordinating the acquisition or dispersal of condo documents on the seller’s side.

She should have a copy of the Decs & Bylaws. If she knew she was selling she (or her property manager) should have asked in advance for the association financials.

I’ve sold a place before so I know the onus to make sure the gathering and distribution of these documents shouldn’t be on the association.

But this behavior by my soon to be former neighbor isn’t surprising.

When you’ve contributed nothing of yourself or your talents, don’t be surprised when people aren’t exactly falling all over themselves to help you.

Potpourri

Take a little time to remember, reflect and celebrate those people that didn’t come home from work six years ago today.


In a few hours I’m getting a new member of the household, his name is Midas and he’ll be my new cat. Or should I say I’ll be his new girl.

I was given the green light by the Chicago Anti-Cruelty Society yesterday in an application process that would put the FBI to shame; the only thing I didn’t have to do is take a drug test and get hooked up to a lie detector.

But you do need to protect the furry ones from the nut cases of the world.


The transportation department came out yesterday and marked off the crappy sidewalks on the north side of the street. I’m almost reluctant to believe it, but I finally think after all of these years of pissing and moaning that the sidewalks across the street are about to be redone.

Easy Come, Easy Go, Part II

The Porch People are out.

TATI, City Cleaners and Style Central are in.

With the exception of City Cleaners---and that’s only because they don’t have a website---my new retail friends are now added to the links list to the left.

As much as I bitch about the lack of goods and services in the ‘hood, these three small businesses are beacons of hope in the south side retail wilderness.

Large national retailers take note.

TATI is a great bicycle shop on Hyde Park Blvd. Not only can the mild mannered proprietor fix your bike, he can also make recommendations on the best bike for your body type.

If you have enough cash, he can even build a bike for you from scratch.

But that’s not what makes this little shop special.

I rarely run into anyone who’s just so happy go lucky---much less a small business owner. The perils and pitfalls of making a go of a business is harrowing; usually small business owners can be found mumbling to themselves looking disheveled.

Not this cat.

His business hours are somewhat unorthodox, when he’s open he closes everyday at 3:00 PM for an hour for tea time.

As if that weren't enough, get a load of this.

When I didn’t have the money to pay for repairs on my bike he told me just come back and give it to him later.

I almost passed out right then and there.

It was only a $10 bike part but who performs a service and lets someone they don’t know walk out the door without paying?

Trust me folks, they don’t make ‘em like that anymore.

City Cleaners has several satellites in Hyde Park but I’m a fan on the actual plant at 7159 South Stony Island.

Coincidentally they are located across the street from south side icon Moo & Oink.

Not only can they do quality work, their prices are fair and they have Sunday hours.

You heard me correctly---a dry cleaners that has Sunday hours.

For those of us who have wacky schedules, a dry cleaner that’s open on Sundays is a god send.

Now be warned, since the actual plant is on the premises it’s hotter than hell in there during the warmer months.

Trust me a little sweat is worth the value.

Last but not least are my new friends at Style Central.

I discovered them when I was running errands up in Hyde Park last week. They’re what’s know as a “lifestyle” store.

You know the type of store that has all of those little nick nacky things that make a house a home.

I was thrilled as I went through their offerings and found scented candles that I really liked.

What makes it even sweeter is that I don’t have to leave the south side to get my beloved stinky girl candles.

Now if I could only get stuff closer to my house…

Easy Come, Easy Go

Yes, I’m still dealing with the repairs to our back porches.

Lucky for the association I’m unemployed and can spare the time to make sure these repairs are done properly.

Now the Porch People did come out about a week and a half ago and made 95% of the needed repairs.

It’s just that last 5% that needs to be completed.

Naturally the only person who was bilingual (English & Polish) had to leave the site; my attempts to communicate with the rest of the crew was futile.

They only did what the bilingual master carpenter directed them to do. Any further repairs weren’t going to happen that day.

I was on the phone to the Porch People before the work crew left our property.

The rest of the repairs needed to be scheduled so we could be done with this business.

Of course a game of phone tag ensued.

It seems that my phone calls to the master carpenter were about as useful as dialing for Oprah tickets.

As luck would have it, the office manager is out for a few weeks.

My persistent phone calls to the office paid off as someone else finally picked up the office manager’s messages.

He said that he would have to check schedules but the work should be able to get done shortly.

I’m kind of afraid what “shortly” means.

It’s because of the Porch People’s crappy follow up they will be banished from my links at the left side of the page.

Anyone can love you when you give them $90,000 of your money, but who’s gonna slap your ass and call you Sally when you call them on the mat about the quality of their goods?

Moreover, who’s gonna give the love when the aforementioned goods need follow up care?

This blog aside, I know tons of people. When I like what you do I can (and will) talk you up.

There are so many people and businesses that get professional referrals off of me it’s absolutely ridiculous.

Apparently the Porch People won’t be one of them.

Bender

Excuse my absence of late. I’ve been on a bender for the past week or so.

I figure my 39th birthday and a layoff are a good enough reasons to tip a few back.

Now granted a week and a half might have been a little excessive but hey you only live once.

Despite my partying ways, I did manage to act like an adult for part of the time and get some important business done and make some neighborhood observations.

First and foremost the mortgage deal is done.

That sound you hear is the collective sigh of relief that I won’t be shown the door---literally.

The best my mortgage company could do is to give me another ARM with a much lower interest rate.

I know, I know---it’s another ARM loan but at least it buys me a year or so. I can only pray that all these new condos being built sell like hotcakes so my property value shoots back up so I can refinance.

Did I mention how beautiful eastern Woodlawn is?

The worst-case scenario is that my mortgage goes up another $100 a month for another year. So that’s not too bad.

It’s better than the alternative that I was facing.

And yes I lobbied hard for a fixed rate with reasonable terms but that idea got the heave ho.

After all I’ve been trying to thread this needle since March.

But at least it’s done and I can rest a little easier.

I also applied for unemployment between cocktails.

For those of you who’ve had exposed to the public aid sector in the great state of Illinois it will not come as any surprise to you when I proclaim that no matter how special you may think you are, you will still be treated the same in the eyes of the employees of these respective offices---like you’re an idiot.

But in all fairness some of the clients of these services aren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer.

So I guess it’s safe to assume that starting with the basics is the best route.

Nonetheless, I was in the unemployment office for three---count ‘em---three hours last Tuesday.

God that sucked.

But it had to be done.

Since I have no money coming in, it might behoove me to make the magic happen.

Don’t worry (yet) my resume is being reviewed by my HR friend and I hope to have it out on the streets tomorrow.

If all goes well, I’ll be working in October.

Until then my only question is where did all these blonde stay at home moms come from? Woodlawn is crawling---well at least for Woodlawn---with Lakeview/Lincoln Park type moms with $300 strollers.

The things you see when you’re home during the day.

Patience

The Porch People and I seem to have a huge communication gap lately.

Not too long after I wrote my last Porch People post, I received a return phone call from my contact and an appointment was set with the master carpenter.

Of course at the appointed time he didn’t show up.

I was fit to be tied. Saying I was pissed was an understatement.

I put a phone call into my contact that very day.

Since the appointment was for last Saturday, my contact and I played phone tag on Monday.

Oh---did I mention that the appointment was set on August 9th? A full nine---count ‘em nine days before the actual appointment on August 18th.

Can you believe that bullshit?

Adding insult to injury, one of the phone messages I received from my contact was that the master carpenter actually was there and left notes on what needed to be repaired or replaced.

We paid that company $90,000 for our porches and the level of communication that we receive on follow up problems takes the form of a note left on a porch?

Are you kidding me?

I was also told that he showed up at our association around 9:25 A.M. because of “traffic.”

Our appointment was at 9:00 A.M.

It was at that exact moment my head spun around.

What happened to professionalism? Moreover what happened to common courtesy?

And at the very least what the fuck happened to calling when you were late?

I took me a full day to calm down so I could clearly and more importantly---civilly speak to my contact.

I informed him that his master carpenter being late due to traffic wasn’t my problem. When an appointment is set---it’s set. And if for some “good” reason you’re going to be late, you at least have the common courtesy to call and let someone know.

Personally speaking I think these jokers are trying to blow smoke up my ass.

I have a feeling that the master carpenter didn’t want to get off of his can and schlep down to the south side.

We have a porch that’s roughly 18th months old and has questionable structural issues and a company that seemingly doesn’t want to do anything to correct their mistakes.

I’m quickly losing my patience with this situation and the Porch People.

Survey?

I went and took the T.W.O. Neighbor survey on Saturday and quickly realized that it may not have been targeted for the working professional.

Then of course I may be wrong.

A vast majority of the questions were aimed at pinpointing employment skill sets.

Do you have a trade? Have you ever been a home health care worker? Do you have office skills?

In light of my looming unemployment, these questions are very pertinent.

Nonetheless I was surprised at not only the skill set questions but the questions concerning the neighborhood quality of life issues, general quality of life issues and affordable housing.

When a list of questions was ticked off about neighborhood concerns and retail and/or services wasn’t among them I found it odd.

I finished the survey and received a $10.00 Target gift card.

That came right on time as I just ran out of laundry detergent.

I mentioned to my friend that in my opinion it seemed that none of the questions were geared toward professionals or the non-existent retail presence in Woodlawn.

He listened and said, “That’s because they want to know about the potential pool of workers in the neighborhood.”

I sat stunned by his assessment.

When I asked why this survey was commissioned and what it hoped to achieve, I was given a stock answer of “community improvement.”

How this information was going to improve the community or what was going to be done with it wasn’t clearly defined or explained.

In fact I couldn’t get any information about the services that the T.W.O. was running out of the former all girls’ Catholic school next door to my building or a contact name for that matter.

When I commented that since Rev. Finney’s church left a few years ago, the upkeep of the property has been questionable at best, I was referred to my alderman and city services.

If you’re thinking what I was thinking at the time---I was a bit amazed by the answer as well.

And now that I’m thinking about it---I didn’t get a chance to interface with my neighbors.

As you came in and signed the sign-in sheet, the survey was administered by a T.W.O. volunteer/representative so you never got to kibbutz with anyone else.

What’s the point of holding a neighbor open house if you don’t get to say hey to the neighbors?

Very curious, no?

So it looks like T.W.O. may not be advocating for a dry cleaner for the eastern part of Woodlawn anytime soon.

Woodlawn Alert

The Woodlawn Organization (T.W.O.) is holding a Neighbor to Neighbor Open House on Saturday, August 18th, Tuesday, August 21st & Thursday, August 23.

Billed as an information-exchange gathering, community residents are encouraged to learn about T.W.O. and also participate in the Woodlawn Survey.

Personally I think this may be a great way for people that have been living next door or around the corner from each other to actually meet and to also reassess our rapidly changing community’s demographic.

If we’re lucky perhaps T.W.O. will persuade a cleaner to relocate or open in the eastern section of the ‘hood.

Can you tell that my fine garments are piling up by the door?

Dates, times & locations of the various open houses are below:


Saturday, August 18th
12:00-4:00 P.M.
1445 East 65th Street, Chicago, IL
Jackson Parkside Apartments 6040 South Harper, Chicago, IL
Berry Manor Apartments, 737 East 69th Street, Chicago, IL


Tuesday, August 21st
4:30-7:30 P.M.
1445 East 65th Street, Chicago, IL
Jackson Parkside Apartments 6040 South Harper, Chicago, IL
Berry Manor Apartments, 737 East 69th Street, Chicago, IL
WECDC, 950 East 61st Street, Chicago, IL


Thursday, August 23rd
4:30-7:30 P.M.
1445 East 65th Street, Chicago, IL
Jackson Parkside Apartments 6040 South Harper, Chicago, IL
WECDC, 950 East 61st Street, Chicago, IL
Harris Chicago Park District, 62nd & Drexel, Chicago, IL

New Friends

Say hey to some new blogging friends I made at Hyde Park Progress, The North Coast & The Chicago Bubble Blog.

They all stumbled upon my humble offering and apparently liked what they read.

Coasty has been especially verbal---leaving messages and chatting via the comments section, but Bubbly & HPP have given the love as well.

I added their links over to the left for easy perusal.

When time allows, give them a read. I think that you’ll enjoy or at the very least become informed of the myriad of issues in different 'hoods.

Does This Mean I’m Going To Have To Start Closing My Blinds?

I told you the ‘hood is blowing up.

Now it’s a long way from being a done deal but our friends at Hyde Park Progress have let the cat out of the bag about a proposed high rise at 64th & Stony Island.

Naturally I’d like to see more about the tower and its potential impact on the neighborhood.

The proposed building will be a block away from the crib so I need to know if they’ll have parking.

And if they also happened to have a pool that the public could use---that would be great too.

Granted, I’ll probably be married with kids before this project even breaks ground.

But isn’t nice to know that Woodlawn’s getting some love?

South side stand up.

Temperature Gauge

Much is happening in the hoody hoo right now.

It’s real estate-o-rama Woodlawn style.

A unit below me is getting ready to close next week. I can only imagine the (low) price that it’s selling for.

That sound you hear is my property value dropping.

And while I’m on that topic, a building on my block that I thought was a six flat is on the market as well.

Some dumb ass thought it was a good idea to take that beautiful building---which I suspect was built to house people for the Columbia Exposition---and put a bootleg wall up in the middle of the marble foyer and make it into two three flats.

Philistines. Why do these people even exist?

So the western three flat is on the market for $375K.

Note that it’s right next to the a condo “association” that my developer did, but four or five of the units went into foreclosure and have been on the market for almost two years.

Candidly speaking, if I had the money I’d buy a few units myself.

That all being said, there are signs of life that Woodlawn hasn’t given up the ghost real estate wise.

While the Living Green Lofts have yet to break ground, foundations have been poured for what appears to be two new condo developments on the southwest corner of Blackstone and 65th place.

And yes, that head you see peeking from the third floor of the back porches across the street is mine.

65th place and Dorchester seem to be the new building hot spots in my neck of the woods.

Now you can say if you build it they will come, but philosophy and reality are two different things.

I’m interested to see how quickly units will sell.

Moreover, I’ll click my heels if the units sell anywhere near the listing prices.

One word: Equity.

Four more words: I told you so.

I’ve chronicled the ups and downs of my humble existence for almost two years. Despite the drama my neighbors and I have gone through, you’ve never heard me say that Woodlawn wasn’t worth the struggle.

I love where I live. I love my pile of bricks. I love my view and I love the south side.

But don’t confuse my south side love with being a Sox fan.

I have no doubt that all of us will come out on top.

And when we do, whether it takes five years or fifty years, I’ll look like a genius.

In the interim it would be nice if a local dry cleaner would open up to clean a sister’s cashmere sweaters.

So it with some dread and renewed interest that I’m watching the ‘hood around me right now.

While the values may be depressed right now, I honestly believe that they’ll go from zero to sixty and it will take everyone by surprise.

Except for me.

Didn't I Just Say That

Chicago magazine (and frankly anyone with good sense) has also noted the damage done to property values due to foreclosures in "emerging" neighborhoods.

One way to minimize any condo association's risk is to lock it down and make it owner occupied only.

That's not to say that owner occupied units won't wind up in foreclosure, but it's my humble opinion that you'll be a little more motivated to save the roof over your head vs. saving the roof over your tennant's head.

I'm just saying...

Excuse Me?

Would you believe that we’re getting the cold shoulder from the Porch People?

Can you imagine that phone calls or e-mails aren’t being returned---by anyone?

That after almost two years a brand new porch with what was supposed to be constructed of high quality lumber is severely splitting.

And I can’t get a return phone call?

To add insult to injury now the “answering service” is picking up.

This must be a bad dream. Is someone pulling my leg?

Perhaps I’m overreacting. Perhaps they have a European mentality about vacation and they’re taking the month of August off.

Or perhaps we’re getting the shaft.

And if we are getting the shaft do they think that I personally don’t have every step of this process documented five ways to Sunday?

They have to know that I have every e-mail and every contract about our business together.

That I will go to the department of Consumer affairs and the news papers at the drop of a hat.

I hope I get a return phone call soon---like before the end of business on Friday.

If not, I’ll consider the gauntlet thrown down and it’s on like donkey kong.

You’re not taking $90,000 of our money and giving us substandard work.

I don’t think so.

What I’ve Learned

Believe it or not after months of determined pestering and a lucky break or two, my mortgage mess is finally settling down.

My mortgage company has the foresight to understand that all of a reduced amount is better than nothing at all.

But seriously folks, I’ve dodged a major bullet and am thanking the Lord that I still have a roof over my head.

So as a public service to you kids, I’m going to part with some lessons that I’ve learned about Chicago real estate.


1. Your home is not a piggy bank.

Don’t assume that the value of your home will continue to increase exponentially. Eventually all of these sky high values will shake out and come back down to earth.


2. Just because you got lucky once doesn’t mean lightning will strike again.

Yeah you may have sold your “started condo” for over twice the price you paid for it but that type of success rarely repeats itself every two to three years. Don’t think that you’ll be able to do that every time you want to sell or refinance.


3. Adjustable Rate and Interest Only Mortgages are the devil.

If you ever get one of these mortgages, please read the fine print and fully understand what you’re signing. You know how grandma always said you’ve got to pay the devil his due? Well those cloven footprints in the flower bed weren’t made by the dog. The devil wants you to pay up. Right now.


4. The ‘hood matters.

If you start seeing more than three foreclosures within a half mile radius of your home you probably shouldn’t plan on using your equity to send the tots off to college. As much as it pains me to inform you of this but the value of your home is about to take a nose dive---big time.

The aforementioned ARM mortgages, shady financing and mortgage fraud has hit everywhere but “emerging” neighborhoods where housing stock is less expensive are more vulunerable.

In short, a neighborhood (such as Woodlawn) is trying to turn itself around by attracting middle class home owners. Since the prices are usually lower than a similar unit in Lakeview or Lincoln Park, investors swarm all over newly renovated or newly built condo developments.

If you have an over leveraged legitimate home owner or a shady investor, everyone in the neighborhood will feel the pain of their bad decisions for years to come.

When the shit starts hitting the fan and units (or single family homes) start to get foreclosed upon the financial blood bath begins.

I should know, I’ve been living through it and writing about it for the past two years. It ain’t pretty.


Man, if I knew then what I know now…

Oh Happy Day

Comcast is on it's way out the door!

The Dish/ATT cable guy is here and I'm (hopefully) mere minutes away from 250 chanels for my viewing pleasure.

Oh joy, oh rapture!

The City Hates Him Too

Ladies and Gentlemen seeking justice for our beleaguered condo association has been a driving force in my life for the past two years.

It’s why I started this blog.

Well that and I thought I’d go bat shit crazy from all of the association drama.

It’s been a long road.

I’ve discovered that if you pursue it long enough, things may start to change for the better.

I think that’s about to happen with respect to bootleg developers.

After countless months of waiting the City of Chicago is starting (or has started) a joint task force between The Mayor’s Office, The Department of Consumer Services and The Department of Construction & Permits to rout out bad developers and general contractors.

We have been delivered from the wilderness.

Hopefully the process will be smoothed out and properly publicized by the end of the calendar year so the general public will know how to put a shady developer or general contractor on “blast.”

The difference between these proceedings and a regular civil city lawsuit is that the city would be seeking remedies that bar the developer from doing business in the city---EVER AGAIN and to put the property or properties that he or she is developing into receivership.

Nice, huh? I call it the developer death penalty.

Now obviously there will be ways for someone to get around the death penalty, but that means you as the smart informed consumer that you are (after reading this blog) will actually have to perform due diligence.

Better yet, if you see your bootleg developer is doing another project, you have to blow the whistle on him or her.

Find the real estate agents that they list with and follow the paper trail from there. It’s incredibly easy and now that everything’s online all the information you ever wanted to know is at your fingertips.

Literally.

The minute I get word of how you’ll be able to report your ghetto ass developer, I’ll put it on the blog ASAP.

It’s about time the city brings the pain.

On Blast

If my source is to be believed, guess who's rumored to be on the cusp of developing single family homes in Bronzeville?

*Insert Black girl eye roll, neck move and lip smack*

Greetings From The South Side

Behold, this year's garden.

Corny

I was raised by a very superstitious woman.

We never slept with shoes above our head, threw our hair from combs and brushes into the trash or split poles.

Lord Jesus help you if you ever sat my mother’s purse on the floor.

And she wasn’t hardcore about her superstitions. Growing up I saw women actually sweep up their hair in the beauty shop, pull out a plastic bag and take it with them.

Now that my friends is hardcore.

In fact, I remember many of my newly acquired college friends being puzzled about why I would always flush the hair from my combs and brushes down the toilet. It took a nasty plumber bill I received a few years back for me to (kinda) stop the practice.

So it’s a wonder that when things are askew, I look at the occurrence as some type of foreshadowing. A sign from the spirits that something is about to happen.

The appearance of a lone corn cob raised all of my oft seen but close to the surface red flags.

You see it was the second corn cob that had appeared on my section of the back porch this summer. Naturally I thought someone was trying to tell me something.

But I digress.

In my quest for Chicagoland gardening supremacy, I normally put down two separate container gardens; one on my front deck and one on my back porch.

They both usually flourish and by now have the place looking like the Garden of Eden except that this year the back containers look like a bag of ass.

I was mystified why they didn’t take off like normal.

I gave them all of the love and the fertilizer that I normally give my babies. I watered religiously. I talked and coddled them like they were genteel hothouse flowers.

No go---nothing was growing on the back porch this year.

It was definitely a head scratcher.

What made it even worse is that one day when I was watering, I found a full corn cob buried in one of the containers.

Mind you my containers are suspended from flower box supports that extend from our back porch railing.

I know I didn’t include a corn cob in my soil when I was planting this year so obviously someone put it there.

My mind whirled with possibilities: Is someone trying to put roots on me? What significance does a corn cob have? Who in god’s name would put a corn cob in a flower box?

Eventually the other issues of my everyday life took over and the corn cob incident was soon forgotten.

Then last week another corn cob popped up on my back porch.

This time I knew something wasn’t right.

All the same questions popped up---Who’s doing this? What does this mean? Why are they doing it to me?

Add to the fact that a package of mine was stolen out of the mail last Friday, I was beginning to see boogey men around the corner at every turn.

Scant moments later, I happened to mention the corn cob incident to my neighbors across the hall.

Thank god not everyone was raised in a superstitious household.

They explained to me how our friendly neighborhood squirrels would take their prized booty and hide it from other woodland creatures----even if that means digging up a flower box or two.

Little bastards.

Hopefully the rats with good PR will leave me alone when I go outdoors as my neighbors now think I’m certifiably nutty.

Jesus take the wheel.

Random Musings

I know I shouldn't jinx it but----

Why are the Cubs winning?


And on a completely different subject----

Ground has been broken for what looks like a new development on the south west corner of 65th Place. Due west of the proposed Living Green Lofts.

I wonder if those are the Living Green Lofts or a completely different development? From what I understand ground should of been broken for LGL this spring. It's summer already and no activity.

At this point only time will tell.

Since the 20th ward has a new sherrif in town, there's been a flurry of building activity. It's almost like someone wants to spur neighborhood and economic growth.

Go figure.

He Already Had Me With His Cinnamon Rolls

It's not like I wasn't a Tom Tunney fan already.

Prior to being the alderman of the 44th ward, he was the very public face of the Ann Sather's restaurant on Belmont.

Many a time I'd stop off after work too tired to cook, too hungry to wait and too poor to buy groceries. Methinks Mr. Tunney recognized all three and would slip a sister a complimentary bread plate to go along with my vegetable soup.

'Cause you know bread ain't free when you only order a cup of soup.

He was kind enough to chat as well. To make me feel welcome despite the fact I was spending less than five dollars (with tip).

As you can see I've never forgotten the gesture.

So it should come as no surprise that as the Alderman Tunney is leading the way to forge a set of behaviors and practices for developer/neighborhood relations.

Behold another aldermanic rock star.

Phoning It In

I had my day in court last week.

More specifically I had my administrative hearing for my taxicab complaint last Friday.

Despite the attempts of the driver to discredit my story. Justice (and truth) reined supreme and he was found liable of the charges.

But I’m putting the cart before the horse. Let me backtrack a little.

When you have an administrative hearing, you are given the option of either attending the actual hearing or phoning in and giving your testimony. Since we’re soon to be laid off, I thought it better to do this via the telephone than to burn precious vacation time.

I was sworn in by the hearing officer and was asked a series of questions by the attorney for the city which allowed me to tell my side of the story.

Once that was over, the driver was allowed to cross examine me.

If that’s what you want to call it.

He made a rather feeble attempt to discredit me by asking me if I said he picked me up on South Chicago Avenue.

I said no.

He replied, “You just said that I picked you up on South Chicago Avenue.”

I replied, “No---I said that I was standing on the south side of Chicago Avenue with the intent of the cab heading east and having a straight shot out to Lake Shore Drive.”

‘Cause anyone knows that Chicago Avenue which is on the north side and South Chicago Avenue which is on the south side are two completely different streets.

Nice try, homeboy.

He then tried to hammer away that I had a case of mistaken identity.

While I could identify the cab number, the driver asked me to describe who drove me that night and the color of the cab.

I could do neither.

The color of the cab is insignificant as a cab can be one color one month and completely different the next. The cab number on the other hand does not change.

Cab 606 is cab 606 no matter what color the vehicle may be.

Now for a couple of years I’ve been adamant about a few things when I get into a cab.

I either text a friend with the cab number that I’m in or call them with the information and that I’m on my way home. And I make sure that the person who’s driving me home is the same person in the picture of the cab license that’s displayed to the public.

On occasions, if a cab has several different drivers through the course of a day sometimes they may forget to switch out the licenses.

You always want to make sure everything is matchy matchy before you go too far.

So while I couldn’t describe the driver in detail, I could tell that he was a man of color with dark hair who spoke with an accent.

I couldn’t give a height as he was sitting down and it was seven months ago. Like I said, I just make sure the picture matches---I don’t have a photographic memory.

This seemed to satisfy the hearing officer who sustained the objection of the city’s attorney after the cab driver kept on repeatedly asking me if I could identify him.

Asked and answered butthead.

At that point, my testimony was complete. There was nothing more for me to do so I was excused by the hearing officer and hung up the phone.

An hour or so later the city’s attorney called me and said that the cab drive had been found liable of the charges.

As a result he has to pay a $225.00 fine, take a drug test and a physical as well as sign up for cab driver 101 at Harold Washington College.

Did I mention that the cab driver 101 course costs $275.00?

So the driver is spending $500.00, the cost of the drug test and physical. Additionally he will be losing money because he won’t be out making a living.

He’ll be learning, turning his head and coughing and pissing into a cup.

Wouldn’t it have been easier to take me home?

One Year And Five Months---#2

More pictures...

One Year And Five Months

Can you believe the condition of the wood after one year and five months?

The Cake, Revisited

As luck would have it, I saw Patty Cake last Thursday at a social function.

She was resplendent in fuchsia and looked like she had never been pregnant. The baby weight had just melted away.

Naturally I asked her about life is in South Shore.

If I understood her correctly---after all it was a social function and I was drinking---she had taken a few of my earlier suggestions.

For starters, she put on the dog (translation: Got dressed up) took herself and her baby up to her condo development’s management company. Like a miracle from above, half finished projects at her development were fast tracked and completed.

Now I’m sure the other complaining owners were also a motivating factor, but I find it somewhat coincidental that after she did exactly what I told her to do things started shaping up.

I told her she’s using her whiteness for good. Why have power if you’re not going to use it responsibly?

She also stated that she’s been strolling about with her man.

Good work ‘Cake, it’s important to be seen with your man. That way people know that you belong to someone.

While this fact may not prevent anything from happening to her, at least if she goes missing or something happens, her presence---or lack thereof---will be missed.

Plus some guys tend to leave you alone when they know you have a man in your life.

I know it’s sad that in this day and age a woman’s firm “no” isn’t enough to ward off the unwanted attentions of a masher. But as I’ve stated before, I deal in reality.

Interestingly enough Patty Cake also happened to mention that there was a great deal of shootings that have occured since the weather warmed up.

Ironically my friend Rita, South Shore go to girl extraordinaire, also counseled against falling asleep on the south bound 6 bus this summer.

Apparently winding up at the final stop of the 6---South Shore’s Rainbow Beach---and having to walk home may not be in anyone’s best interest right now.

Seeing that I’ve fallen asleep and have had to walk home from Rainbow Beach three times in the past two years I tend to listen to sage advice.

So with all of the shenanigans going on around the neighborhood, Patty was somewhat dismayed by the lack of immediate police response.

At least that was her perception.

Now it also may be just another huge coincidence, but after she started calling 911 response times dropped.

Go figure?

What can a sister such as myself say to that type of effectiveness?

At this rate the ‘Cake may have this whole Afghan, Iraq & Israeli/Palestinian thing figured out by the year’s end.

...And You Thought The Firemen Were Hot

I preface this statement with my apologies to Mrs. Dart & Mrs. Yamashiroya. But I must say that you are both married to some incendiary quality hotties.

Yowsa!

Among the usual suspects at yesterday’s Gay Pride Parade were the delectable Sheriff of Cook County, Tom Dart and 23rd District Chicago Police Commander Gary Yamashiroya.

When did those who were sworn to serve and protect get so blazingly hot?

For disclosure’s sake, I have met Commander Yamashiroya as he and I know some of the same peeps back from my old ‘hood. He doesn’t seem like the ass kicking, name taking blue collar image you’d get of a Chicago cop.

From what the peeps have told me he seems to be measured, fair and an all around good guy.

He’s not a boozer, he doesn’t have a rep as being an asshole---‘cause the last person you ever want to meet is a cop with an attitude problem and you don’t hear about him being a skirt chaser.

Frankly, its cops like that who give the Chicago Police Department a good name.

Then of course that handsome mug don’t hurt either.

There he was, marching and waving with his lovely wife and young daughter. Always lean with a little bit of a tan.

A hot man who loves his wife and child and doesn’t try to kill them---Go figure.

In my limited view of the world there is nothing more attractive than happily married men.

No I’m not one of those skanks who sets her sights on the brass ring just out of her reach but rather it gives me hope that nice marriageable, non-commitment phobic, straight men do exist.

Was that our loud? I’m sorry---just step over all of that baggage I just dropped and we’ll continue.

There’s just something about a man who loves his wife and family that is very tantalizing. The irony is that, well---he’s married. So the chances of the hot man ever being that good to me is zero.

I know it’s warped but I suppose the grass always looks greener on the other side.

At least until you fall into the toilet and get the vapor lock of death around you ass because your husband left the seat up.

I suppose the hotness might wear off at that particular moment.

But boy howdy Sheriff Dart almost makes a sister want to go out and break the law.

I strongly suggest getting an honest to God look at that man in person. You’ll thank me later.

I was not aware that the good citizens of Cook County put eye candy in office.

Silly me I vote based on people’s record as it pertains to the office that they’re seeking, not their looks. But if I did Sheriff Dart would have won hands down.

Now it’s easy for me to extol the virtues of hot men while I sit anonymously (for the most part) behind a computer screen. The funny part is if I were standing next to them at a cocktail party I’m sure I’d make an ass out myself.

I am still very much the dorky sixteen year old girl who still can’t make small talk with the boy of my choice.

Now I’m many things, shy and under confident aren’t two of them. I am so the captain of my ship that I can put the wind in my own sails.

Nonetheless it never fails to surprise me that a person who can talk the talk (always) AND walk the walk (mostly), has not one word to say when a hottie walks in the room.

Go figure?

So if the good Commander, the Sheriff and I were having a chat I’d probably be giggling my way through the whole conversation.

Oh---and add some lip biting to boot.

I told you I’m a dork.

So I float on the outer peripheries, admiring the law enforcement man candy from afar.

Mrs. Dart and Mrs. Yamashiroya, do you ladies realize how lucky you are?

Bathroom Boys

It looks like AOZ Construction is blowing up these days.

These are the nice men that took my bathroom from looking like ass to looking hot.

It was no small miracle as the original rehab performed by my developer’s crack construction team wasn’t exactly high quality.

As a matter of fact, we found that when the glass mosaic tile was going up that the walls weren’t set at the proper (or straight) angles.

As a matter of fact, the gents had to correct a whole bunch of crappy workmanship for a slight increase in our original agreed upon price.

That’s ‘cause there was a great deal of extra labor and materials involved.

Nonetheless as the pictures prove----they did a phenomenal job. I was (and am) extremely pleased with the quality, timeliness and professionalism of their work.

Sometimes I just go in the bathroom and contentedly sigh. Kohler commercials don’t have the corner on that market.

If it weren’t for this getting laid off thing, I’d have them back before the end of the summer to put in a new kitchen floor.

But looming unemployment seems to take precedence right now.

It’s always something, right?

I know one day my kitchen will be the best I can afford, but right now I’m gonna have to continue rocking that cheap laminate white appliance Home Depot look that my developer thought was so hot.

Viking appliances may not be in my future, but at least a sister can scrap together a few pennies for the Kenmore stainless package.

I’ll be giving the kids at AOZ a call. If you’re planning a remodel you might want to as well.

Oy! or Infastructure-a-go-go

With an older building there is always some maintenance issue that needs to be addressed. Truthfully it seems like there are more issues or potential issues to be dealt with than hours in the day (or willing volunteers).

Or the short way to say it is there's always something.

The porches that are a little over a year old are already having problems with severely splitting wood and rails coming apart from the posts.

Our porches should have that type of weathering in year eleven or twelve, not going into year two.

You know I'm all over it with the Porch People. Naturally any lack of timely response to my e-mails from my neighbors is slowing the process down significantly. I mean people pissed and moaned about the porches at our last meeting yet haven't responded to an e-mail asking them to detail their concerns.

Jesus take the wheel.

You'll be hearing alot of that phrase in the future. 'Cause at this point, I just have to put it in Jesus' hands 'cause I can't do any more.

Anyhoo...

I'll send another e-mail and post signs in the foyers to give people a last ditch effort to throw in their two cents. After that, Mama takes over.

The latest drama is that someone got a barbecue grill stolen off of their back porch highlighting the back fence issue and one of our buildings has a Noah's Ark type flood going on in the basement.

God I hope my vintage Christmas ornaments aren't ruined.

Jesus take the wheel.

Dorchester Update

When these pictures were taken in early May, signifcant progress had been made on the single family home on the 6500 Block of Dorchester. Further north on the street, the new buildings have sprung from the earth and actually don't look bad for McCondos.

Plotzing

Why did my cable go out an hour and ten minutes prior to the Soprano's series finale?

Naturally I didn't get my reception back until around 9:00 PM the next day. That's the type of love south side dwelling Comcast subscribers receive.

Now Comcast's system could of been having problems in all parts of the city or the region, but somehow I seriously doubt that.

In retrospect, it was good that I couldn't get any information via the TV as I hadn't seen the epissode and was trying to avoid any and all commentary about the show.

Of course I had a sneaking feeling that when my cable starting going on the fritz late Saturday night that problems lie ahead. Just once I'd like my inner voice to be wrong about these types of things.

To add insult to injury the brain trust at Comcast waited a full 24 hours before a "system problem" was officially identified. Hell by that time the most anticipated television finale in recent memory actually was a memory.

Thank God for encore presentations & on-demand.

'Cause I'm telling you I could of dropped a brick Sunday night. I was just plotzing all over the place. While I wasn't happy, I managed to put the whole incident in perspective---no one was bleeding, I still had my health and the earth was still spinning on it's axis.

I also knew that it could of been worse if I had my cable, internet and phone with Comcast. On Monday my friend Rita told me that one of her neighbors was cut off from the outside world entirely. She couldn't get on the internet or make a phone call until late Monday night.

How much would that suck?

So I built a bridge and got over myself. Oh yeah and also folded the clean laundry that was piling up on my bed.

Nonetheless that night I started investigating my cable options.

Comcast is on it's way out in my household. I'm not paying for continuing crappy service and even crappier customer service policies.

The Taxi Cab Rebellion

I recently received this letter from the Department of Consumer Services regarding the taxicab complaint I filed earlier this year:


You are hereby notified that a hearing will be held at the above listed date, time & location against the cab drive you reported to this department for investigation.

The cab driver has been charged with violations of the municipal code of Chicago.

As a key witness, your testimony is essential for an effective prosecution of the case against the cab driver. A copy of the affidavit you submitted is enclosed for your reference and review.

Contact me at 312-XXX-XXXX or at XXXX@cityofchicago.org as to your availability to testify on the above listed hearing date and time. Please inform me whether you will be testifying via telephone, indicate the phone number you can be reached on the date and time of hearing. Please allow for a two hour window to testify by phone.

Your failure to testify may result in the case being dismissed.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. Always reference the above listed complaint number in all communications with this department.


It may have taken five months but the wheels of justice are finally turning for a sister.

Prompt Consideration or Obamarama

I recently received this letter from Senator Barack Obama's Chicago office:

June 1, 2007

Dear Woody:

Some time ago you contacted the Chicago District Office of U.S. Senator Barack Obama. Regrettably, due to the high volume of cases that we receive daily, your documents were inadvertently misplaced.

Just recently we came upon the correspondence you sent ot us in November. We apologize if the delay in our response has caused you any inconvenience and are contacting you now to determine if we can assist you at this time.

We deeply value all of our constituents' problems and hope that, if still in need of our help, you will contact us at 312-XXX-XXXX at your earliest convenience so that we can determin how best to resolve your issue.

We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

XXXX
Constituent Service Agent
U.S Senator Barack Obana

Note: I dropped that letter and the corresponding packet of information off in November of 2005.

Prompt consideration indeed.

Speaking of Karma

Now let's recount...

My mortgage payment may go up or it may stay the same or go down. I don't know for sure yet.

My sister was recently released from the pokey and is starting from scratch.

And now word comes down from on high that our whole department is getting laid off.

While I'm not into the whole pity party scene, I'm starting to feel a little like Job.

Apparently I've pissed off God. I'm sure this is payback for some bad thing I did in the past.

Slumlord Ordinance

…Yet another reason why my alderman kicks your alderman’s ass. Why is she such a rock star?

On The Home Front

I’ve been working diligently to avoid the upcoming mortgage debacle and it’s looking like my perseverance may pay off.

I’ve been in negotiations with my lender to revise the terms of my deal.

Obviously the intent is for my mortgage not to drastically go up at all---much less every six months.

In fact, I hope my payments go down.

This sub prime mess is hitting everyone hard---including the lenders. I guess they realize that it’s better to get all of something than half of nothing.

Which is exactly what I told them when my dreams of refinancing went out the window.

The first adjustment---an extra $300 dollars on top of my current mortgage---would suck but I’d muddle through. The second adjustment in January of 2008 would kill me financially.

I estimate that I’d be paying an additional $400 for a total adjustment of $700 on top of what I already pay now.

There is no way financially I could pull that nut. I told him that I might as well mail him back the keys right now.

I don’t want to give up my home and I strongly suspect that my mortgage company doesn’t want to become homeowners.

Chicago, particularly certain neighborhoods, have been hit hard by this drama.

A six flat down the street from me is still very much in the throws of the foreclosures that happened almost two years ago.

Only a few of the foreclosed upon units have sold. The rest sit empty and their mortgage company owners keep on dropping the sales price to get the units sold.

Talk about a lose-lose situation.

The association loses, the neighborhood loses and most importantly property values go in the shitter.

It seems cheap prices will attract more investors who will rent the units which will rob our little piece of paradise of the overall stability that usually comes with owner occupied condominiums.

Stability equals stable property values. Not this roller coaster that we’re on now.

So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this whole deal works out---and in less time than I was quoted yesterday. I’ve been working on this situation since February.

Mama doesn’t have 8 weeks before this can be finalized. My rate adjusts July 1st.

Sidewalk Apathy

Rumor has it that the oft discussed and much coveted new sidewalks and parkways will be going in some time this summer.

While I personally believe this to be gospel, it won't truly sink in until the signs go up and the concrete is poured.

I'm glad that three years of prodding and poking are about to come to an end but what really burns my biscuits is that the school across the street isn't contributing a dime towards the costs.

After all they're responsible for it's upkeep.

They took property off the tax rolls (as well as a street from the public way) to expand their campus. From my perspective, it seems as soon as they put up that nice tall fence on the south end of their campus, the rest of us who live on the other side of that fence became persona non grata.

But in the nicest way possible.

I've received assurances that the school wants to be a good neighbor but when it comes to coughing up the cash and pulling the trigger on this project let's just say words are all I've seen.

The galling part to this little tale is that they actually had some grant money for the parkways and never used it for the project. Moreover, the entrance to their school a block north is landscaped and pristine within an inch of its life.

As if they'd let their alumni see the crap that I have to call over to the school to get picked up.

So let's review---land was taken off the tax rolls so a private school could expand and they can't even give a flying fig about one of the parkways that they are legally responsible for.

Generally when you've been relegated to an afterthought in someone's life at least they should have the good manners to not make you feel like you're an afterthought.

But karma is a motherfucker. No good deed goes unpunished and apathy has a way of coming back to bite you on the ass.

Stupid

I’m all about being proactive.

Nipping a problem in the bud before it becomes a problem is usually a good thing.

Keeping that philosophy in mind, I decided to get a jump on the potential mortgage debacle by posting an internet ad for a roommate.

I knew that the chances of me getting a roommate right away were remote---south side rentals are challenging at best---so I placed the ad early.

While I’ve gotten a couple of nibbles, the interesting part is that I think that every last response has been from a scammer.

The first respondent asked me for my exact address of my home---and in the first e-mail no less.

While that didn’t immediately set off any red flags, I did think that he was moving awful quickly. Kind of like the guy on the first date that starts picking out baby names and planning your life together.

Just a little creepy.

I forgot what I sent back in my e-mail to him but I’m sure it included me asking him something about himself and his thoughts on an ideal living situation.

His ad was vague and had a lot of pictures of him bare chested with his tattoos.

I was already feeling that this wasn’t exactly going to be a match.

He replied by asking again for my exact home address and included his personal e-mail address and his phone number.

No replies to my queries about him. He didn’t answer any of my questions.

That’s when I knew he was full of crap.

My ad also has pictures of my bathroom, the back porch and the front exterior of the building.

I don’t know if he was trying to case my place so he could rob me or if he was trying to set me up for the old Nigerian 419 scam. Either way I wasn’t having any of that foolishness.

I promptly deleted his e-mails.

About a week later another individual who also offered too much information right away set the alarms off in my head.

Pushy people who are involved in “getting to know you” situations are never good.

Luckily the roommate service that I’ve posted on is aggressively monitoring and deleting accounts that are suspicious.

But even if they weren’t I have my own roommate vetting process that is a little less detailed than a formal FBI background check.

Do these morons think I’m stupid? That I’d just let any jackass in my home?

Feel The Wrath

Now let's all give Macy's a big Chicago "I told you so!"

I wonder how long it will take for them to give our store back it's rightful name?

Mike Holmes

Mike Holmes is the second best thing to come out of our neighbor from the north since Canadian bacon.

And, in the interest of disclosure, I do have a slight crush on him.

But I digress; there may be those of you who aren’t familiar with Mr. Holmes.

Mike Holmes is a general contractor who has a popular show on HGTV Canada where he fixes other bootleg contractor’s many screw ups.

In the process, he saves home owners from unscrupulous, shoddy and in some cases downright criminal contractors & developers.

Now you know why I adore him.

Then of course that lantern jaw and rockin’ body don’t hurt either.

I see men who obviously work out and pay attention to their bodies by going to the gym. Mr. Holmes on the other hand doesn’t look like that because of a soloflex machine, but rather good old hard physical labor.

I’m sure those natural genes passed down from his mother and father come into play at some point.

I just love that big corn fed lookin’ type of man----it’s just the Hoosier in me.

Mrs. Holmes (naturally, he has to be married) is indeed a lucky woman.

His shit’s so hot one of Hollywood’s most famous lesbians proposed marriage.

He seems like such a good and honest person I’ll excuse the flannel and overalls. Then of course there is no room in construction for couture.

On the other hand, the sentences sprinkled with “eh’s” may be a little bit of a challenge. What can you do, he’s Canadian. You don’t throw out a Cadillac because it has ding in it do you?

That would probably explain why I’ve taken to quietly eyeing the nice construction workers, pipe fitters, iron workers and electricians who roam about the loop.

I see a million “captains of the universe.” You know the type---look at my Porsche, I just made partner at a major law firm, check out my new million dollar condo.

Yeah those guys.

But in a sea of those yahoos, I feel a hankering for guys who can actually do something, guys who actually have a trade, guys who can make something with their bare hands.

Perhaps it’s the physicality of their work, maybe it’s those rippling muscles and perhaps it’s the scent of man so early in the morning. Go figure?

Easy girl…refocus.

Nonetheless, Mr. Holmes’ show is on the Discovery Home cable channel here in the states. I strongly suggest that all of you give it a look in the near future.

You can’t go wrong with a man who has his own set of knee pads for professional reasons.

The Righteous

I’ve finally found a good developer.

I searched high and low, kept my ear to the ground and even solicited you kind readers for potential candidates.

Naturally I wound up with nothing. It was as if the word “good” and “real estate developer” could never be used in the same sentence.

The person I’m about to tell you about not only exists, but has been sitting a few blocks away all this time.

The irony is delicious, no?

Ladies and Gentlemen I’d like to introduce you to Benjamin Van Horne and Greenline Development.

You may have heard about Mr. Van Horne on the Chicago Public Radio broadcast about Woodlawn last week. I remember meeting him at a fundraiser for my alderman.

He seemed nice enough but when we’re talking real estate development, I’m sure the title of this blog says it all. I have a healthy dose of skepticism when it comes to people who have the word “developer” in their job title.

But then I heard the Chicago Public Radio broadcast, found his website and had that warm fuzzy feeling.

Still not convinced, I called over to my alderman’s office and spoke with my contact.

“Is this Van Horne guy the real deal? “

“Believe it or not, yes he is.”

“Bullshit---there has to be something wrong with him---some major character flaw. Developers aren’t nice.”

“No really, he’s the real deal and his buildings are spot on. We’ve never received one complaint.”

“Bullshit---are you for real?”

“Yes I am. He’s a nice guy with a conscious who builds buildings that give people an affordable yet nice place to live.”

That statement left me in a quandary. After all, it goes against everything I’ve ever experienced in the “gut rehab” condo market in Chicago.

I was truly perplexed.

In the interest of disclosure, from what I understand Mr. Van Horne has also done some fundraising for my alderman as well as stumped on her behalf.

Normally my spidey sense would be tingling after such a ringing endorsement, but I actually trust the people in my alderman’s office. If this guy were a fuck up I doubt that the love would be there.

At some point I have to trust in at least one city political institution, right?

Plus I like the fact that he’s a socially responsible capitalist. There ain’t nothing wrong with that.

So I will exhibit something I so rarely do these days---trust.

I think this cat is an honest to god good developer. Apparently the only thing he can’t do is turn water into wine.

So if you’re in the market to purchase a condo and it’s offered by Greenline development, more than likely you’re headed down the right path.

Now that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do your homework like Woody told you to. Remember, there is no substitute for good old fashion fact checking. Always cover your ass.

But unless someone has credible documentation to the contrary, Mr. Van Horne may be the first developer actually given the thumbs up by “I Hate My Developer.”

Let’s hope we’ll be able to add many other names in the future.

Spring Has Sprung

Like the swallows coming back to Capistrano and the boozers flocking to sidewalk cafe's, warm weather is returning to the second city.

Not only will I be putting down the garden in short order, but I'll also be able to shop for fresh produce at one of our many weekly farmer's markets.

My grocery bill will go down and I get to support local farmers---some of which hail from areas around my hometown.

On the hit list for next Tuesday:

Mushrooms
Zuchinni
Yellow Squash
Garlic Cheddar Cheese

…And To Prove My Point

Just in case you thought I was making this plastic flower stuff up, read this little ditty I found on a blog of the Lincoln (NE) Journal Star:


“…works for us! We tried real live flowers and found out it was easier to go to Goodwill or find the plastic ones on sale. My wife changes the flowers in the flower boxes according to the season. There's too much in life to get bogged down in trying to accommodate Mother Nature. And if you put a scented air wick out there they even smell like flowers!”

Butch


*More Heavy Sighing*

God Help Me

I've got personal drama going on and world is in turmoil but the latest thing to draw my attention is a few new landscaping additions.

I'm assuming it's a new neighbor who's making an effort at community beautification.

God bless him or her.

Someone put plastic flowers in one of our gardening beds. Roses to be specific.

I nearly passed out when I walked past the beds this morning on my way to work.

Lord Jesus give me strength.

This mystery person also added a pinwheel lawn ornament to the front yard.

*Heavy Sigh*

They also put white stones around a perennial. Note: It's not like I don't already hate the bootleg red landscaping stones that are already in our planting beds. The white stones just add that little something extra special.

But perhaps I'm getting too territorial and putting the cart before the horse.

Perhaps I should be grateful that I have a neighbor who also has an interest in gardening and the ilk.

The desire is there; maybe we can learn for each other and have a meeting of the minds.

Hopefully we can lose the lawn ornaments and plastic flowers along the way.

Bad Sign, Getting Worse

As luck would have it, my refi dreams are down the shitter.

Apparently either due to the foreclosures in the area as well as neighbors who want a quick sale and sell cheaply, the property value in the hoody hoo has dropped over $30,000.

I’m sure inflated appraisals by bootleg appraisers might have had something to do with this as well.

All of these factors have led to a no go on the refi as the loan to value ratios don’t work.

What does this mean for me?

It means that every six months until I can actually refinance my interest rate adjusts upward.

When my rate adjusts in July I may be looking at an additional $300 tacked onto my mortgage payment.

Now as much as that sucks if I work a little bit harder at the second job and stay in one weekend a month, I can make that up with no problem.

The shit hitting the fan comes in January of 2008.

That’s when the rate adjusts again and another $300-$400 gets tacked on to the first rate adjustment.

It’s gonna get ugly real quick like.

But instead of letting this situation control me, I’m exploring some options and will report back when the workable solutions have firmed up.

Until then I have to repay personal debts and batten down the financial hatches.

It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

Faithful

If the stage play of Xanadu does not reproduce this final scene from the movie down to every last roller skater, baggy pants wearing extra there will be hell to pay.

But recognize that the head dress is mine, bitches.

Represent!

Check out this story on Woodlawn from the nice people at Eight Forty Eight from Chicago Public Radio.

Recognize and Represent!

Learning Curve

Young Mr. Whitefolks has now lived with and by us for the last six months.

By “us” I mean black people.

I’m sure being a minority in a minority neighborhood makes for some interesting stories for the relatives back in Wisconsin.

While Young Mr. Whitefolks enjoys Bronzeville, I’m sure he might still have some questions about black culture at large.

If he were going to ask questions about his neighbors and his neighborhood, this is what I’d imagine he’d say:


Why do you stop the car in the middle of the street to hold a conversation?

Where exactly is this Moo & Oink?

Bud Billiken? Who is Bud Billiken?

So what’s with the spinners?

Must there be two beauty supply stores per block?

What exactly is a square* and why would I have one?

Why does a straight man need a roller set?

So the CTA doesn’t run on time down here?


Despite the questions, I would imagine that Young Mr. Whitefolks has learned two important things about living amongst the peeps.

The first would be to try and buy stock in Newport cigarettes.

The second (and most important) would be to never, ever question a black woman about her hair.

Don’t ask why it’s long one day and short the next.

Don’t ask why some black women’s hair will be colors not found in nature.

Don’t ask about the package of hair.

Don’t pull an Imus.

Don’t ask why you’ll see some black women give the appearance of hitting themselves in the head. She’s scratching her head but is doing so in a manner that won’t mess up the hair style.

Just trust me on this one.

But Mr. Young Whitefolks may have also learned that if you ever touch a black woman’s hair unsolicited may put his physical being at risk.

I can’t wait to talk to him to hear his reflections on six months of south side urban living.

*A square is slang for a cigarette

Sly & The Family Stone

Since I’m pretty damn good at chronicling everybody else’s shit on this blog, I think it’s my turn.

I’ve been a preoccupied little beaver for the past 8 months.

You see I’ve been pulling double duty concerning a family affair. More specifically I’m essentially supporting two households on my meager income.

Well it wasn’t meager until I had to do (most of) the heavy financial lifting for myself and others.

Everything changed 4th of July weekend a few years ago.

That was when my sister made a tragic mistake to drink and drive. The subsequent accident she caused and the death of a motorist on the opposite side of the median changed all of our lives.

And when I say our, I mean mine, her children’s, her victim, her victim’s family and the other young women who where also a part of the accident.

That whole ripple effect is a motherfucker when it happens in your life.

So if you were ever wondering why there would be such huge gaps between postings, now you have your answer.

It’s difficult at best to push for truth, justice and the American way on the condo front; deal with apathetic neighbors AND make sure all the bills and mortgages are paid in two different states.

Did I mention that while all of this is going on, my only sibling who I dearly love---but who clearly fucked up---sits in prison?

Which is exactly where she belongs.

How one stupid ass decision, a momentary lap of judgment can effect so many people’s live is such a profound way.

But while all of this is difficult for me, I can only imagine the frustration of her victim’s family.

If the sentencing statement given by the woman’s adult son is any indication, he’s pulling pretty much the same financial nut as me except he’s desperately angry at my sister.

And who wouldn’t be?

Then of course perhaps our circumstances aren’t so different.

I hope that none of you have a family member or loved one shipped off to jail. But in the course of the last eight months I’ve found out that quite a few people that I know---movers and shakers, sophisticates & ‘round the way girls have a relative or two in the slammer.

It’s funny how people will unburden their souls about the problems in their families when you have complete candor about yours.

They understood my frustration, the dark moods, the rants in letters to my sister about choices in the past that have led up to this specific moment in time.

They understood the tears that still flow even now and how I somehow think it’s my fault for not being able to make everything have a happy ending.

In short, yeah I was pissed. I felt abandoned and alone.

I was the only person from our immediately family still (free) standing and oh so very scared. And yeah, I was preoccupied.

There are many times I barely feel like a fully functioning adult. To truly have to act like one because actual flesh and blood people and animals are depending on you is horrifying.

There’s a reason why I take to cats.

I don’t know how you real adults even handle this much pressure.

So while I don’t want your sympathy I do want you nice people to take something away from this little tale of woe:

Drunk driving is such a preventable crime. If you find yourself boozed up and lack the fucking common sense to not get behind the wheel; I hope and pray you surround yourself with people who will break their shoe off in your ass in order to save lives.

I know from firsthand experience. Don’t do it----the risks and consequences far outweigh you leaving your car somewhere.

For those of you who have lost a loved one or friend to this senseless act, my heart is always with you.

My mother died almost eight years ago and I was so not ready for her to go. While the circumstances weren’t as tragic and violent, I do know what it’s like for someone to leave you unexpectedly.

Lastly I learned that you can’t live someone’s life for them. On the flip side you can’t hold yourself responsible for their mistakes.

That’s always a tough one to deal with, right?

For reasons that I won’t discuss---hell even my closest friends don’t know----my sister and I have a history that may seem familiar to some yet foreign to others.

Some things just have to remain private.

And no I won’t answer any questions about the accident and the like. Not only is it still too close to the surface but it’s just plain none of your business.

This shit is hella painful.

But you’re wondering, “Why did she choose to post about this at this particular time?”

Two words---background knowledge.

Happily Ever After

It’s nice to see that Mr. Knight & Mr. Cousin are doing so well in their personal lives.